Little Carolyn was asked to sit down in a chair and pick a treat from a tray of marshmallows, cookies, and pretzel sticks. Carolyn chose a marshmallow. The researcher then made Carolyn an offer: she could either eat one marshmallow right away or, if she was willing to wait while the researcher stepped out of the room for 15 minutes, she could have “two” marshmallows when he returned. He further explained that if Carolyn rang the little bell on the desk, he would come running back—allowing her to eat one marshmallow immediately, but forfeiting the second. Carolyn was left alone in the room pondering her decision of delayed gratification.
Carolyn was able to resist the temptation to eat the marshmallow immediately. However, Carolyn’s older brother, Craig, who also took part in the experiment, displayed less fortitude. Craig still remembers the torment of trying to wait. “At a certain point, it must have occurred to me that I was all by myself,” he recalls. “And so I just started taking all the candy!” According to Craig, he was also tested with little plastic toys—he could have a second one if he held out—and he broke into the desk, where he figured there would be additional toys. “I took everything I could,” he says. “I cleaned them out. After that, I noticed the teachers encouraged me to not go into the experiment room anymore.”
Footage of these experiments, which were conducted over several years, show the children as they struggle to delay gratification for just a little bit longer. Some cover their eyes with their hands or turn around so that they can’t see the tray. Others start kicking the desk, or tug on their pigtails, or stroke the marshmallow as if it were a tiny stuffed animal. One little boy looked carefully around the room to make sure that nobody could see him. Then he picked up an Oreo, delicately twisted it apart, and licked off the white cream filling. With a satisfied look on his face, he returning the cookie to the tray!
Most of the children in the experiment were like Craig. They struggled to resist the treat and held out for an average of less than three minutes. “A few kids ate the marshmallow right away,” Walter Mischel, the Stanford professor of psychology in charge of the experiment, remembers. “They didn’t even bother ringing the bell. Other kids would stare directly at the marshmallow and then ring the bell thirty seconds later.” About thirty per cent of the children, however, were like Carolyn. They successfully delayed gratification until the researcher returned. These kids wrestled with temptation, but found a way to resist!
After this interesting experiment, professor Mischel moved on to other areas of research, for, in his own words, “There are only so many things you can do with kids trying not to eat marshmallows.” But as time went on, he decided to keep track of the children. He collected surveys over the following years from the students, parents, and their instructors. He began to notice an interesting correlation: the children who could not wait struggled later in life and had more behavioral problems, while those who waited tended to be more positive and better motivated, have higher grades and incomes, and have healthier relationships!
The simple experiment that originally began with children and marshmallows, became a landmark study suggesting that the ability to wait—to be patient—is a key character trait that may predict later success in life. As parents, it brings home the need for us to help our children learn patience—encouraging the self confidence that comes from working for goals or monetary desires. If we are to teach it effectively, we must learn to delay our own instant gratification—planning for the future, being willing to wait for life’s great rewards.
We live in a world where everything is instantaneous and we love it! Waiting can be hard. We have high speed Internet, fast food, and instant messages. The answers to our immediate questions can be instantly achieved with a click of a computer mouse. We have an unlimited resourse of ideas and shopping—availavble at our fingertips, no longer neccessitating the need to “let your fingers do the walking through the yellow pages.” We want it now! And we can get it! However, in doing so, life can feel like a race we’ve entered—one we must win at all costs, like the sign humorously found on a bumper sticker: “He who has the most toys, wins!”
President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, has said, “Patience—the ability to put our desires on hold for a time—is a precious and rare virtue. We want what we want, and we want it now. Therefore, the very idea of patience may seem unpleasant and, at times, bitter. Nevertheless, without patience, we cannot please God; we cannot become perfect. Indeed, patience is a purifying process that refines understanding, deepens happiness, focuses action, and offers hope for peace.” (General Conference Priesthood Session, April 2010)
Walter Mischel’s famous marshmallow experiment is a great reminder of the need to learn to delay instantaneous gratification in a world of gain—to get the most goodies. In our rush to succeed, let’s remember the Chinese Proverb, “Good things come to those who wait!”
“Until you make peace with ‘who you are,’ you’ll never be content with what you have!” ~ Doris Mortman
