The Husband Store

“Why can’t a woman be more like a man?” 
~ Henry Higgins (My Fair Lady) 

Recently, after having my monthly acupuncture treatment, my therapist tested me for a “Bach Flower” remedy to enhance my treatment during the following month. Now for those of you who know a little something about homopathic medicine, you know that Bach Flowers are medicinal remedies made from flower essences to aid and assist emotional healing. Every Bach Flower has a negative and a positive quality. Positive qualities are displayed when our emotions are balanced, while the negative qualities surface when our emotions are imbalanced. So you might say that having your body call for a particular Bach flower is like wearing a Scarlet Letter displaying all your worst qualities! Needless to say, it can be a test of self evaluation––facing your reality and understanding how others may see you.

Bach Flower remedies are usually short-term remedies—a little pick-me-up, that helps rebalance and redirect your emotions positively. While the negative traits can be a slap in the face with your own reality, more annoying to me is that my husband never needs one. Never! My husband, who also has a monthly acupuncture treatment at the same clinic, never tests for a remedy. Why is this? “Why can’t a woman be more like a man?” 

If I entered a room full of men and women and asked if anyone knew what a Bach Flower was, more than likely there would be a handful of women who not only knew what they were, but would instantly relate personal testimonials of their effectiveness. The men in the room wouldn’t have a clue. Or care. At all. As women, we display our emotions on our sleaves for all to see. We are sharers of information and caregivers of emotional therapy to oneanother. A simple question posed in a group of women can be the opening statement for a thesis of wisdom! Men, on the other hand, tend to keep their emotions safely bottled up inside themselves. When asked a direct question, they answer it––short and to the point. The End. They don’t feel the need to share life experiences or personal anecdotes. They are content to let others “live and let live” without need of their acquired knowledge. Instead they save up all their buried emotions as “road rage” for the jerk that cuts them off in traffic, or “phone range” for the unsuspecting phone solicitor who has called one too many times! But as women, we enjoy sharing every aspect of our lives with one another, leaving our husband’s to wonder, “Why can’t a woman be more like a man?”

So in honor of the month we celebrate Father’s Day––our sons, husbands, dads, and grandfathers, I am sharing this wonderful allegory. Although unflattering to my gender, it is a humorous example of our high female expectations. A man takes life at face value, allowing everyone to be themselves more or less. As women we expect more. We expect perfection. With women there is always room for growth and improvement––especially within ourselves, and more importantly within our husband’s! Enjoy!

* * * * * 

The Husband Store 

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors, and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch: You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building.

So, a woman goes to The Husband Store to find herself a husband.

On the first floor, the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 — “These men have jobs and love the Lord.”

The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 — “These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.”

The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 — “These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.” “Wow,” she thinks excitedly, but feels compelled to keep shopping.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads: Floor 4 — “These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead good looking, and help with the housework.” “Oh, mercy me!” she exclaims. “I can hardly stand it!”

Still, she goes to the fifth floor where the sign reads: Floor 5 — “These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.”

She is thrilled and so tempted to stay, but unable to resist her curiousity, she goes to the sixth floor where the sign reads: Floor 6 — “You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at The Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!”

Beauty and The Beast

While sitting in Salt Lake’s Capitol Theater Saturday night, watching the theatrical production of “Beauty and The Beast,” I was reminded of its timeless message of focusing on the ‘inner beauty,’ rather than the outward appearance.

The play revolves around a prince who has been transformed into an ugly beast, and a young woman named, Belle, imprisoned in his castle. To become a prince again, the beast must fall in love with Belle and win her love in return, or he will remain a beast forever.

In a world filled with Beasts—war and violence, bullies and social pressure, deadlines and high expectations, it is sometimes difficult to ‘see’ the Beauty all around us. Confucius, the Chinese philosopher, said, “Everything has its beauty, but not everyone sees it.” True beauty is a magical gift of transformation that must be ‘felt with the heart’ before it can be seen. It is a gift of love with “mystical powers,” capable of altering the world, just like Belle’s love changed The Beast.

Perhaps our gift of transformation to one another can be a kind word, a smile, or a thoughtful act of service to someone in need. And as each person pays that gift of love forward, together we can revolutionize the world!

There is Beauty All Around

A Baby’s Smile

A Sunset

A Magical Moment

Walking Side by Side Through Life

A Grandmother’s Love

A Single Bloom

Bonded Sisters

A Family Reunion

A Child’s Artwork

A Celebrated Life

“Surely the thing God enjoys most about being God is the thrill of being merciful, especially to those who don’t expect it and often feel they don’t deserve it. . . . However many mistakes you feel you have made or talents you think you don’t have, or however far from home and family and God you feel you have traveled, I testify that you have not traveled beyond the reach of divine love. It is not possible for you to sink lower than the infinite light of Christ’s Atonement shines.” ~ Elder Jeffrey R. Holland (“The Laborers in the Vineyard,” General Conference, April 2012)

The Complicated Relationship of Love

What is Love?

What is Love? In an ideal world, we are supposed to deeply love one another. In fact the word “Sisterhood” has become an action verb in our society, signifying loving relationships closely bonded in love, even without a blood connection. Romantic movies and favorite novels paint pictures of perfection, making us feel inadequate if we have a sibling, parent, or spouse relationship with a less than perfect scenario.

“Love” and “Hate” are intimately linked within the human brain. Although they appear to be polar opposites, scientists studying the physical nature of hate have found that some of the nervous circuits in the brain responsible for it, are the same as those that are used during the feeling of romantic love. These two seemingly opposite four letter words have been responsible for wars fought and relationships gained and severed. The complicated relationship of Love and Hate has been consistently explored in literature and cinema throughout history.

Hate is often considered to be an evil passion that should, in a better world, be tamed, controlled and eradicated. The truth is, relationships are complicated—often with shades of Love and Hate that can directly influence our self esteem—“Who we are,” and “What we become.” According to psychologist, Vicki Stark, author of “My Sister, My Self,” this is especially true of sister relationships.

Sister Relationships

Stark says “Your childhood relationship with your sister or sisters greatly influences your identity as an adult … The quality of that childhood sister relationship is a powerful determining force in your self-esteem. Sister relationships are somewhat like computers. When they work, nothing can bring you more pleasure and make you feel more competent. When they don't, nothing can make you more miserable.”

The lyrics from the 1996 song, “No Matter What,” popularized by the group Boyzone, remind us of the influence those we love and grow up with have on our psychological development. “No matter what they tell us, No matter what they do, No matter what they teach us, What we believe is true.”

As adults, the feelings of Love and Hate formed in the nursery of our lives can still evoke powerful feelings within us. Close sister relationships can arouse feeling of intense emotion that can “push our buttons” as we alternately find one another heavy burdens to bear, as well as treasured gifts from God.

If we are fortunate enough to have a “bonded” sister relationship, our lives can be blessed in a unique way. Bonded sister relationships are desirable because bonded sisters are loved for themselves—just the way they are. There is great satisfaction that comes with being totally accepted for who you are. Stark says that bonded sisters “have so much fun.” They enjoy hanging out together—just being in the same room. And there is a laughter factor—they love to laugh!

Stark further explains that, “The effect of the sister stamp in relationships even crosses generations. At times, it is at the root of mother-daughter conflict … Older sisters, who were given a lot of praise and status in the surrogate mother role growing up, tend to find raising their own children a pleasure. Those who were burdened with too much responsibility and not given adequate support by their parents when they were kids sometimes experience parenting as an unwelcome chore. … Mothers who have trouble controlling their little girls are often women who didn't have very much power in their own childhood families.”

You might find yourself asking, “How can we come from the same family and see the world so differently?” We don’t always share the same political, religious, or moral values as our siblings. Yet often in our society we are expected to agree because of the bond of blood we share. Adult older siblings may feel burdened with their childhood roles where they were expected to set an example, protect and care for their younger siblings—especially when their need for “control” is still very much front and center in their lives. Their younger siblings have grown up and no longer wish to be bullied and manipulated into submission, desiring to have an equal say in family discussions. Younger siblings may also experience hurtful feelings when their opinions are dismissed and ignored as if they were invisible.

Unfortunately, it is difficult for siblings to “agree to disagree,” especially when our siblings behavior hurts our feelings or our pride. So we tend to either respond in anger or to completely withdraw rather than talking about the true source of conflict. The lack of communication then causes of general lack of trust, evoking a vicious cycle that is difficult to navigate.

Sometimes real-life events, beyond the control of parents or children, may stress and destabilize families, sometimes resulting in conflict between sisters (a death in the family, aging parents, or Illness—physical or mental.) According to Vicki Stark, the sibling bond is often strongly influenced by these situations. “Either the kids band together into a tight, cohesive team or they scatter to the winds, each one trying desperately to protect him or herself. … Sisters know which buttons to push to make the other feel guilty. The button-pusher tries to control the relationship by making her sister feel guilty.”

Like in countries at war, we never know when the war of the family will erupt, as life’s twists and turns often unearth buried hostilities. The death of a brother or sister can be a terrible shock to the family unit, causing a meridian of negative feelings—guilt for time not spent, blame for how they died, and even unresolved feelings of childhood jealousy. However, the death of a sibling can also bring families closer together and strengthen their bonds of love. With our siblings we can express our sorrow, anger, and guilt—freely. Our childhood stories and memories are treasured—comforting us with laughter and healing. Our tears are accepted by those who’ve shared our lives and by sharing—our pain is diminished.

Going Into the Forest

In the Hindu religion it is said that there is a time when people of a certain age “go into the forest.” Having accomplished their life goals of marriage, children and work, they enter a time when new choices are available. As they enter this new forest of life they may decide to reconnect with people lost and to distance themselves from others. However, the first and foremost question on their mind upon entering the forest is, “Who am I?”

As we each enter our own forest of tranquility and renewal, will we be carriers of grief and rage, jealousy, pride, or guilt. It has been suggested that there are parts of the forest where we may leave these feelings. There is also a place in the forest where we may find those who we’ve hurt, or who might have hurt us in the past. The forest becomes a place where we can sit a while and ponder, watching the leaves move in the wind, as we drink a bit from the rushing stream.

Author, Jane Isay, in her book, “Mom Still Likes You Best,” sums up our individual experiences in the forest with the following words of encouragement. “We can all eventually resolve the childhood emotions that families evoke in times of stress … As we leave this place [our forest], we may, if we are very lucky, find what we have been looking for: our better selves, the part of us that can love and forgive, play and dance, mourn and cry, and look up to the heavens with joy!” She further explains, “Nothing worthwhile is easy … and nothing difficult is accomplished to perfection.”

Vicki Stark concludes “It is possible to soften the sister influence, as well as celebrate it!” We can take charge of the hidden dynamics that have shaped our lives!

Finding Forgiveness

Much has been written about healing our relationships through love and forgiveness. Forgiveness is an essential part in finding the light of life. It helps us release the subconscious blocks that hold us back from experiencing the life we were intended to live and enjoy. However, one of the best definitions of forgiveness I’ve heard teaches us that real “Forgiveness” is “Giving up the hope that the past could have been any different.” You let go of that hope, the wish, that you’d had a different parent, sister, or spouse … You let that go, so you can move forward with the grace God has given you.

Three Parts to a Proper Apology



“If you’ve done something wrong in your dealings with another person, it’s as if there’s an infection in your relationship. A good apology is like an antibiotic; a bad apology is like rubbing salt in the wound … Proper apologies have three parts: 1) What I did was wrong. 2) I feel badly that I hurt you. 3) How do I make this better?” ~ Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture

You’ve Got To Please Yourself!

In his hit song “I Went to a Garden Party,” 1960‘s pop singer and heart throb, Ricky Nelson, said, “It's all right now, I learned my lesson well. You see, ya can't please everyone, so ya got to please yourself!” 



Throughout our lives we meet and associate with many different types of people . . . people navigating all “walks of life,” as the old cliché goes. As we encounter bumps and bruises along life’s rocky path, it’s tough not to judge other people’s actions . . . it’s even more difficult not to judge ourselves. While other’s will automatically form their own opinions about each of us, at the end of the day we are alone with ourselves, deciding “who we really are” and “who we want to become.” 



In his book, “The Christmas Sweater,” author, Glen Beck, suggests that instead of asking, “WHAT” we want to be when we grow up . . . People should really ask “WHO” do you want to be when you grow up? What kind of person do we want to become?

”

We can choose to live with honor, integrity, and self respect, or we can choose not to. We can decide to change and become better, or we can remain the same. It is all up to us. We are free to choose for ourselves. And while it’s easy to blame others for our present circumstances, in reality, as grown-ups, no one can make us do anything we don’t really want to do. In a sense, each of us is our own best critic and despite our blind spots, we know more about ourselves than anyone else does. We’ve been living with ourselves for a very long time. 



When we truly open our hearts with love and sincerity, seeking truth, we can see both our strengths and weaknesses—our accomplishments and the areas where we need improvement. Instead of avoiding the truth about ourselves, we should look ourselves “straight in the eye” as the well-known “people’s poet,” Edgar A. Guest, wrote almost a century ago:



Myself


By Edgar Albert Guest



I have to live with myself, and so


I want to be fit for myself to know;


I want to be able, as days go by,


Always to look myself straight in the eye.


I don’t want to stand, with the setting sun,


And hate myself for things I have done.



I don’t want to keep on a closet shelf


A lot of secrets about myself,


And fool myself, as I come and go,


Into thinking that nobody else will know


The kind of man I really am;


I don’t want to dress up myself in sham.



I want to go out with my head erect,


I want to deserve all men’s respect;


But here in this struggle for fame and pelf,


I want to be able to like myself.


I don’t want to think as I come and go


That I’m bluster and bluff and empty show.



I never can hide myself from me;


I see what others may never see;


I know what others may never know,


I never can fool myself—and so,


Whatever happens, I want to be


Self-respecting and conscience free.

In Times of Trouble

We all have difficult challenges in life and it’s easy to judge those we don’t understand—those that are different from us. There is an old adage that says, “Don’t judge a man until you’ve waked a mile in his shoes,” and another similar saying that states, “to know someone is to love them.” Recently an old friend said in an email, “I really believe that there are just two kinds of people: the ones you love, and the ones you don't know yet.” We need to be filled with love for all of God’s children! 



Some people are definitely more difficult to love than others.  But when we try to understand them in love, miracles can happen. I had an Elementary Education teacher in college that told us when dealing with difficult students to remember there is always something you can find to love about everybody . . . even if it's only to say, "I like the way your arms swing nicely from your shoulders!"  It was a good tip for me to remember as a parent—during those frustrating times of child rearing, and has since become a family joke when trying to deal with difficult people.

The well known poet, 

Robert Frost said, “With many things the only way out is through. Keep moving. Keep trying.”

Elder Jeffery R. Holland told the following inspirational story in a BYU Devotional on March 18, 1980. It brings home these truths about our individual worth and divine importance in God’s eyes, and how it is never to late to change! 



The brethren used to announce in LDS “General Conference” the names of those who had been called on missions to preach the gospel of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Not only was this the way friends and neighbors learned of the calls, more often than not it was the way the missionary learned of it as well! One such prospect was Eli H. Pierce, a railroad man by trade. Eli had not been very faithful in attending Church meetings. He said he had never even read more than a few pages of scripture in his life and that he had spoken in only one public gathering (an effort which he claimed was neither a credit to himself or those who heard him). Eli bought cigars wholesale—a thousand at a time—and he regularly lost his paycheck playing pool. Well, the Lord knew what Eli Pierce was, and he knew something else . . . He knew what Eli Pierce could become.

When the call came that October day in 1875, Eli wasn’t even in the Tabernacle. He was out working on one of the railroad lines. A fellow employee, once recovered from the shock of it all, ran out to telegraph the startling news. 



Brother Pierce writes, “At the very moment this intelligence was being flashed over the wires, I was sitting lazily thrown back in an office rocking chair, my feet on the desk, reading a [disreputable] novel and simultaneously sucking on an old Dutch pipe just to vary the monotony of cigar smoking.” 

He goes on. “As soon as I had been informed of what had taken place, I threw the novel in the waste basket, the pipe in a corner . . . then started into town to buy scriptures!”



Eli Pierce fulfilled a remarkable mission. His journal could appropriately close on a completely renovated life with this one line: “Throughout our entire mission we were greatly blessed.” But Elder Holland added one more experience to make the point.



During his missionary service, Brother Pierce was called in to administer to the infant child of a branch president whom he knew and loved. Unfortunately, the wife of the branch president had become embittered and now seriously objected to any religious activity within the home, including a blessing for this dying child. With the mother refusing to leave the bedside and the child too ill to move, this humble branch president with his missionary friend retired to a small upper room in the house to pray for the baby’s life. The mother, suspecting just such an act, sent one of the older children to observe and report back.



There in that secluded chamber the two knelt and prayed fervently until, in Brother Pierce’s own words, “we felt that the child would live and knew that our prayers had been heard.” Arising from their knees, they turned slowly only to see the young girl standing in the partially open doorway gazing intently into the room. She seemed, however, quite oblivious to the movements of the two men. She stood entranced for some seconds, her eyes immovable. Then she said, “Papa, who was that . . . man in there?”



Her father said, “That is Brother Pierce. You know him.”

“No,” she said, matter-of-factly, “I mean the other man.”

“There was no other, darling, except Brother Pierce and myself. We were praying for baby.”



“Oh, there was another man,” the child insisted, “for I saw him standing [above] you and Brother Pierce and he was dressed [all] in white.”



Elder Holland said, “Now if God in his heavens will do that for a repentant old cigar-smoking, inactive, swearing pool player, don’t you think he’ll do it for you? He will if your resolve is as deep and permanent as Eli Pierce’s!”



Elder Holland closed by saying: “In the gospel of Jesus Christ you have help from both sides of the veil, and you must never forget that. When disappointment and discouragement strike—and they will—you remember and never forget that if our eyes could be opened we would see horses and chariots of fire as far as the eye can see riding at reckless speed to come to our protection. They will always be there, these armies of heaven, in defense of Abraham’s seed.” 
~ Elder Jeffery R. Holland (“In Times of Trouble,” BYU Devotional, March 18, 1980)



“I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels 
round about you, to bear you up.” ~ D&C 84:88

The Marshmallow Experiment

In the late 1960s, a four-year-old girl with long brown hair, was invited into a game room at the Bing Nursery School, on the campus of Stanford University. Although the room was little more than a large closet, containing a desk and a chair, what took place was one of the most astounding psychological studies in self-control ever performed!

Little Carolyn was asked to sit down in a chair and pick a treat from a tray of marshmallows, cookies, and pretzel sticks. Carolyn chose a marshmallow. The researcher then made Carolyn an offer: she could either eat one marshmallow right away or, if she was willing to wait while the researcher stepped out of the room for 15 minutes, she could have “two” marshmallows when he returned. He further explained that if Carolyn rang the little bell on the desk, he would come running back—allowing her to eat one marshmallow immediately, but forfeiting the second. Carolyn was left alone in the room pondering her decision of delayed gratification.

Carolyn was able to resist the temptation to eat the marshmallow immediately. However, Carolyn’s older brother, Craig, who also took part in the experiment, displayed less fortitude. Craig still remembers the torment of trying to wait. “At a certain point, it must have occurred to me that I was all by myself,” he recalls. “And so I just started taking all the candy!” According to Craig, he was also tested with little plastic toys—he could have a second one if he held out—and he broke into the desk, where he figured there would be additional toys. “I took everything I could,” he says. “I cleaned them out. After that, I noticed the teachers encouraged me to not go into the experiment room anymore.”

Footage of these experiments, which were conducted over several years, show the children as they struggle to delay gratification for just a little bit longer. Some cover their eyes with their hands or turn around so that they can’t see the tray. Others start kicking the desk, or tug on their pigtails, or stroke the marshmallow as if it were a tiny stuffed animal. One little boy looked carefully around the room to make sure that nobody could see him. Then he picked up an Oreo, delicately twisted it apart, and licked off the white cream filling. With a satisfied look on his face, he returning the cookie to the tray!

Most of the children in the experiment were like Craig. They struggled to resist the treat and held out for an average of less than three minutes. “A few kids ate the marshmallow right away,” Walter Mischel, the Stanford professor of psychology in charge of the experiment, remembers. “They didn’t even bother ringing the bell. Other kids would stare directly at the marshmallow and then ring the bell thirty seconds later.” About thirty per cent of the children, however, were like Carolyn. They successfully delayed gratification until the researcher returned. These kids wrestled with temptation, but found a way to resist!

After this interesting experiment, professor Mischel moved on to other areas of research, for, in his own words, “There are only so many things you can do with kids trying not to eat marshmallows.” But as time went on, he decided to keep track of the children. He collected surveys over the following years from the students, parents, and their instructors. He began to notice an interesting correlation: the children who could not wait struggled later in life and had more behavioral problems, while those who waited tended to be more positive and better motivated, have higher grades and incomes, and have healthier relationships!

The simple experiment that originally began with children and marshmallows, became a landmark study suggesting that the ability to wait—to be patient—is a key character trait that may predict later success in life. As parents, it brings home the need for us to help our children learn patience—encouraging the self confidence that comes from working for goals or monetary desires. If we are to teach it effectively, we must learn to delay our own instant gratification—planning for the future, being willing to wait for life’s great rewards.

We live in a world where everything is instantaneous and we love it! Waiting can be hard. We have high speed Internet, fast food, and instant messages. The answers to our immediate questions can be instantly achieved with a click of a computer mouse. We have an unlimited resourse of ideas and shopping—availavble at our fingertips, no longer neccessitating the need to “let your fingers do the walking through the yellow pages.” We want it now! And we can get it! However, in doing so, life can feel like a race we’ve entered—one we must win at all costs, like the sign humorously found on a bumper sticker: “He who has the most toys, wins!”



President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, has said, “Patience—the ability to put our desires on hold for a time—is a precious and rare virtue. We want what we want, and we want it now. Therefore, the very idea of patience may seem unpleasant and, at times, bitter. Nevertheless, without patience, we cannot please God; we cannot become perfect. Indeed, patience is a purifying process that refines understanding, deepens happiness, focuses action, and offers hope for peace.” (General Conference Priesthood Session, April 2010)

Walter Mischel’s famous marshmallow experiment is a great reminder of the need to learn to delay instantaneous gratification in a world of gain—to get the most goodies. In our rush to succeed, let’s remember the Chinese Proverb, “Good things come to those who wait!”

“Until you make peace with ‘who you are,’ you’ll never be content with what you have!” ~ Doris Mortman

The Whole Truth and Nothing But

Most of us consider ourselves to be people of integrity—living a life of honesty with strong moral convictions, striving to always tell the truth. We consider ourselves a step above the occasional politician or celebrity, revealed to be leading a secret life of corruption and deceit. But what would our world be like if everybody ALWAYS told the truth? What if we simply blurted out every single thought that popped into our heads, without editing the content—the whole truth and nothing but the truth?

Recently I saw a movie called, “The Invention of Lying.” It’s not a movie I’d particularly recommend, as it was slow and poorly written, occasionally resorting to sexual humor to get a laugh. But the idea of not being able to lie—EVER, is an interesting concept to explore. How would it change our world?

The movie takes place in a fictionally based world where “lying” has not yet been invented. People openly express all their thoughts and ideas, living life on facts—things seen. Faith—belief of things not seen, is not a hypothesis yet perceived. For example when main character Anna, played by actress Jennifer Garner, is asked on a date, she says something like, “I’m not particularly attracted to you, but I’ll go because I know one day I’ll lose my looks and I’m terrified of living my life alone!”

Mark, played by comedian Ricky Gervais, is a quirky, sexually unattractive, screenwriter, about to be fired due to his boring script writing—much like this movie he wrote. He is of course in love with Anna, who judges him by his outward appearance and considers him a real loser. However, everything changes when Mark tells the first fib—an invention that he soon discovers can open doors for him that were formerly closed. He finds power and influence that he’s never experienced!

One of the interesting moments of the movie occurs when Mark’s mother is dying. Because their world is based on absolute fact and truth, the medical personnel caring for his mother, along with his mother, have no belief in an afterlife. The doctors are brutally frank when explaining the situation and make no attempt to soften the blow. Mark is distraught watching his mother suffer, who is fearful of her impending death—terrified of the unknown. So Mark calms his mother by telling her she has nothing to fear. He tells her that she is going to a beautiful place where she will be greeted by all her loved ones who previously died—a place where she will be young again, able to run and move freely. His mother relaxes and peacefully passes away. Meanwhile the doctors and nurses are completely astounded with this “new truth” and beg to know more. Soon Mark is mobbed by television reporters and crowds of people desiring the whole truth.

However, with this new theory of God—a man in the sky that can make good things happen, comes the realization that God might also be responsible for the misfortunes that also occur in their lives! No one is prepared to except the complete truth, and they quickly reject God as truth.

The movie does make you ponder the good of living in a world of complete truth. Do we really want to know the answer to, “Does this dress make me look fat?” Or are we happier living with a little less reality—a world where we decide what truths should be shared?

Perhaps when all is said and done in this world we presently live in, where integrity is constantly at risk of becoming extinct, we must first be honest with ourselves—accepting responsibility for our own choices. We may ask for advice or be given counsel from others, but ultimately we have the free agency to choose for ourselves. It has been said that, “The truth will set you free—because living a lie is no life at all.” I have great respect for all those who choose to speak the truth—the whole truth and nothing but the truth. We are inspired by their truth. They make us want to be more—become better than we are. They are life’s true heros!

* * * * *

“Memories inhabit our stories, make them breathe, give them life. So we learn to live with the reality that what we remember is an imperfect version of what we know to be true . . . Her counterfeit identity gave her a new life, but it also took its toll, requiring her to nurture the deceit, to learn the art of lying—not merely how to tell a lie, but how to live a lie, because lying was the route to survival, lying was safety. But always, always, she lived with the fear of being discovered.” ~ Quoted by author, Steve Luxenberg, in his novel “Annie’s Ghosts,” a true story

“Mom never shed her secret, and it also defined her. She did what she had to do. I suspect that Mom never intended for her secret to last a lifetime. Most of the time, we make a decision based on the circumstances at the time . . . [But] just as a cure can be worse than the disease, revelation can be more devastating than reticence. That’s the fear that seems to drive many of us to embrace silence or deception. But too often, we’re just telling one more lie, this one to ourselves.” ~ Quoted by author, Steve Luxenberg, in his novel “Annie’s Ghosts,” a true story

Definition of a Hater

The word “hate” is associated with an intense feeling of dislike. It may occur in a wide variety of contexts—hatred of inanimate objects, hatred of oneself, or hatred of other people. But a “hater” is a person that simply cannot be happy for another person's success. Hater’s might not even desire to be like the person he or she hates, but taking them down a notch, with a derogatory comment or two, somehow makes a hater feel better about themselves. Rather than being happy for the other person’s achievements, a hater makes a point of exposing another’s flaws.

Don't worry about your haters or why they hate you. It’s not your problem . . . it's theirs! Just pray for them, that their life can be fulfilled. Watch out for haters . . . but most of all—don't let yourself become a hater!

Maya Angelou, an American autobiographer and poet, has been called “America's most visible black female autobiographer.” She is a new kind of memoirist—one of the first African American women to publicly discuss her personal life. Maya Angelou has became highly recognized and respected as a spokesperson for women of all races. In discusing her road to success she said, “We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.” ~ Maya Angelou

Here is Maya Angelou’s famous poem depicting the definition of a “hater.” Let it be a reminder to us all to remember who we are—divine children of God, discovering our true purpose here on earth. Fulfill your dreams!

Hater
By Maya Angelou

A hater is someone who is jealous and envious and spends all their time trying to make you look small so they can look tall. They are very negative people to say the least. Nothing is ever good enough!

When you make your mark, you will always attract some haters . . . That's why you have to be careful with whom you share your blessings and your dreams, because some folk can't handle seeing you blessed.

It's dangerous to be like somebody else . . . If God wanted you to be like somebody else, He would have given you what He gave them! Right? You never know what people have gone through to get what they have.

The problem I have with haters is that they see my glory, but they don't know my story . . . If the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, you can rest assured that the water bill is higher there too!

We've all got some haters among us! Some people envy you because you can:

Have a relationship with God.
Light up a room when you walk in.
Start your own business.
Tell a man/woman to hit the curb (if he or she isn't about doing the right thing).
Raise your children without both parents being in the home.

Haters can't stand to see you happy. Haters will never want to see you succeed. Haters never want you to get the victory . . . Most of our haters are people who are supposed to be on our side! How do you handle your undercover haters?

You can handle these haters by:

1. Knowing who you are and who your true friends are—VERY IMPORTANT!!
2. Having a purpose to your life. (Purpose does not mean having a job. You can have a job and still be unfulfilled. A purpose is having a clear sense of what God has called you to be. Your purpose is not defined by what others think about you.)
3. By remembering what you have is by divine prerogative and not human manipulation. Fulfill your dreams!

You only have one life to live . . . when its your time to leave this earth, you ‘want’ to be able to say, “I've lived my life and fulfilled ‘my’ dreams . . . Now I'm ready to go HOME!”

When God gives you favor, you can tell your haters, “Don't look at me . . . Look at ‘Who’ is in charge of me!” ~ Maya Angelou

“When we know better, we do better.” ~ Maya Angelou

The Measure of Success

How do you measure success? Is it by the money you have, the clothes you wear, or the house you live in? Perhaps you measure success by the friends you have or where you stand on the ladder of popularity. Do you measure success by the number of “toys” you’ve collected or the advanced technology acquired?

We live in a world in which being successful is held high as the ultimate goal to be achieved. Worldly success is often measured by the amount of power, popularity, control, and achievements we attain. Life can be a game of competition with the underlying motto, “He who has the most toys wins!” It is human nature to want to win!


In a commencement address given at McGill University in Montreal, Rudyard Kipling (author and poet 1865-1936) warned students against having an over-concern for money, power, or popularity. He said, “Someday you will meet a man who cares for none of these things. Then you will know how poor you are.”

Recently at my daughter’s graduation, a story titled “The Investment Banker and the Fisherman” was presented. It was a powerful parable reminder that success and happiness have little to do with fame and fortune—power or control. Wealth, power, control, and status may momentarily help us to escape emptiness, but they cannot cure it. We run into trouble when the only thing we are living for is success that is self-serving.



True success is only achieved when we find joy in the present—the simple moments spent loving and serving our family and friends, children and grandchildren. Ultimately, love of family and our faith are the only things of importance that bring lasting fulfillment in a world geared toward gain. These are the precious gifts we take with us when we return to our Heavenly home. 



We honor our children—our posterity of whom we have always been proud—through good times and tough. You play together, help one another, and care for each other in times of need. And you lovingly devote your time and talents to us—your parents, as well. In this, we are eternally grateful. You make our lives successful!

The Investment Banker and the Fisherman



An investment banker stood at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellowfin tuna. The banker complimented the fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them.



The fisherman replied, “Only a little while.”



The banker then asked why didn’t he stay out longer and catch more fish?

 The fisherman said he had enough to support his family’s immediate needs.

 The banker then asked, “But what do you do with the rest of your time?”



The fisherman said, “I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siestas with my wife, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine, and play guitar with my amigos. I have a full and busy life.”



The investor scoffed, “I am an Ivy League MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat. With the proceeds from the bigger boat, you could buy several boats, and eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats.“ The investor continued, “And instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would then sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing, and distribution! You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then Los Angeles and eventually New York City, where you will run your expanding enterprise.”



The fisherman asked, “But how long will this all take?”



To which the banker replied, “Perhaps 15 to 20 years.”



“But what then?” asked the fisherman.



The banker laughed and said, “That’s the best part. When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich. You would make millions!”



“Millions. Okay, then what?” wondered the fisherman.



To which the investment banker replied, “Then you would retire. You could move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siestas with your wife, and stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos.” ~ Author Unknown



"Money never made a man happy yet, nor will it. The more a man has, the more he wants. Instead of filling a vacuum, it makes one." 
~ Benjamin Franklin 



“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and affection of children; to learn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a little bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Our Deepest Fear

Each of us can have two stories . . . The one we present to our family and friends, the person we desire and strive to be, and the more vulnerable story we sometimes hide . . . on the surface the same, but a story perhaps hidden with unrevealed secrets and unfathomable fears. Each story is a part of who we are. Yet sometimes the undiscovered stories hidden beneath our layers of mistrust, can lead to our deepest fears. If your loved ones discovered your secret inner thoughts and the fears of your youth, would they understand, or would they judge you without wanting to know more or understand? Perhaps there is pain, intermittently hidden, recreated into a new reality, somehow inappropriate for emotional relationships that have been set on a pedestal, desiring to be ideal.

There are secrets that we keep of little consequence, as their discovery would only prove embarrassing or humorous at most. Then there are also the secrets hidden deep within our family history, desirous to break free, yet fearful of reproach. Discovery of a family secret can be devastating to the spirit for a season, with feelings of betrayal and mistrust taking center stage. Sometimes we question the existence of the secret, even when presented with overwhelming evidence . . . denying the painful truth, wondering if instead, it is just a dream--or perhaps a nightmare.

Family secrets, the ones that are seemingly buried deep beneath the innermost places of the soul, the ones lived with, yet convinced public revelation would result in personal destruction if ever divulged, can never stay completely hidden. Somehow they are eventually unearthed, tumbling to the surface like rotting old dinosaur bones that were assumed nonexistent. Remarkably, secrets unearthed from their buried tombs of lies, bring freedom to the spirit! Where confusion dwelt—confidence, strength and courage emerge. Old secrets released lose their energy of importance, becoming powerless to their victims. It’s then we discover, as the secrets are finally revealed, that they were always a cancerous tumor growing on our souls, eating slowly away at the picture perfect facade they tried to portray—keeping us from our true identity, and basking in God’s bright light.

Marianne Williamson's widely acclaimed motivational poem, “Our Deepest Fear,” is in reality not a poem at all, but an excerpt from her book, “A Return to Love.” It has been inspiring people for decades with its profoundly resonating message about our fear of greatness, of standing out from the pack and letting our inner light shine.

 If you've ever felt that paralyzing fear of stepping forward and presenting yourself to public scrutiny, you may have found your first impulse was to label it a ‘fear of failure.’ But in Our Deepest Fear, Marianne Williamson addresses the other side of that feeling. The fear of being better than your peers . . . perhaps even daring to be the best!


Our Deepest Fear has such inspirational power that it has now become a stand-alone mantra for a generation of exceptional individuals who wish to motivate themselves and others to live up to their fullest potential. It is considered to be an anthem for a contemporary generation of positive seekers. It's a powerful message! Enjoy.

Our Deepest Fear

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, “Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?”

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small doesn’t serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking

so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine, as children do.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.

And, as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give

other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our fear,

our presence automatically liberates others.

Taken From “A Return to Love,” By Marianne Williamson

Tears For Fears

“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” 
~ Franklin D. Roosevelt

Remember the English pop rock duo in the early 1980s called, “Tears for Fears?” My sister once went into a record store to buy their album for her teenage daughters. Forgetting the group’s name, she requested a copy of “Rain and Pain,” much to her chagrin and the confusion of the sales clerk. To add further humiliation, she requested a copy of “Oxygen Mask,” her name for the group, “Air Supply.” Tears . . . Fears . . . Rain . . . Pain . . . Oxygen Mask . . . whatever gets the job accomplished. Right?

However, the name, “Tears for Fears,” has forever become a symbol in my mind of fear and sadness, tears shed for those humiliating experiences or fears we all have stored inside. The group, Tears for Fears, actually based their name on a technique called, “Primal Therapy,” developed by American psychologist, Arthur Janov, who became famous after becoming John Lennon’s (of Beetle fame) therapist. Primal Therapy is a trauma-based psychotherapy that believes that neurosis is caused by repressed pain of childhood trauma.

My sister, Vicki, is afraid of cats! That’s right . . . the soft, cuddly furry ones of the kitty cat nature! But as unreasonable as it sounds, the fear is deep seeded for whatever tramatic reason that caused it. And it was no laughing matter! As a little girl, I shared a bedroom with my teenaged sister, Vicki. My bedtime was long before Vicki’s, so I would carefully arrange my collection of stuffed animals around me before I went to sleep. My yellow, fluffy kitten was a particular favorite. Knowing anything furry brought shrill screams from Vicki, I was careful to hide it neatly beneath my pillow or some other undetected place, where I assumed it would be safe. I understood my mother’s fear of snakes and my own fear of twitchy-nosed mice and creepy spiders. After all, they were what I considered to be normal, sensible fears. But really? A furry yellow kitten, that wasn’t even real? Please!

I’d carefully hide my treasured kitty in a new place every night, hoping Vicki would not discover it when she came to bed. Much to my dismay and without fail, every morning I’d discover my stuffed animals scattered about the bed, victims of her crazed search for fuzzy kitty. Poor beloved, yellow fuzzy kitten, would be coldheartedly thrown on the floor! However, I was relentless and stubborn in my quest. Each night I persisted to hide my kitty in a spot I hoped would be undetected. But alas, it was a “no win” situation!

To this day my whole family has a cat prejudice. I myself have come to view them as disease carrying, mouse eating, winey little creaters . . . probably due to their disgusting mouse breath association and my own unrelistic fear of mice . . . rather than their actual cattness.

Experts say that the most common phobias are the fear of snakes, spiders, mice, heights, and water. Fear of public speaking, closed spaced, and flying in airplanes are also common phobias. There have also been reports of people having persistent, irrational, intense fear of a specific object, like clowns, pickles, grapes, or birds. Movies play into our fears too. Remember the old Alfred Hitchcock thrillers, “The Birds (1963),” and “Psycho (1960)?” Who could view massive amounts of birds flocking together and feel safe after that? Who could shower alone in the house without heart pounding tension and locking the bathroom door after witnessing poor Janet Leigh’s violin screeching demise? 



Yes, I have an irrational fear of mice. I am not particularly thrilled about spiders either, especially the big, hairy ones. However, these fears seem perfectly rational to me. Spiders, after all, are creepy and crawly, possibly poisonous. Who wouldn't be afraid? And don’t get me started on mice. Mice have twitchy noses, they squeeze into small spaces undetected, and they die in unpredictable places, leaving their disease-ridden feces behind them! 



The word “phobia” by definition, is a persistent, irrational, intense fear of a specific object, activity, or situation (the phobic stimulus), fear that is recognized as being excessive or unreasonable by the individual himself. Fear is defined as an emotional response to a perceived threat. It is a basic survival mechanism occurring in response to a specific stimulus, such as pain or the threat of danger. It has been said: “Honesty, love, compassion, loyalty, dreams and ideals will all be tested by our fears and that the courage portrayed in the face of our deepest fears is the strength beneath all other virtues. The depth of our courage will be the roots that determine how high we can grow.” ~ Author Unknown



In a 2005 USA Gallup poll took a national sample of adolescents between the ages of 13 and 15, asking what they feared the most. The question was open ended and participants were able to say whatever they wanted. The most frequently cited fear (mentioned by 8% of the teens) was terrorism. The top ten fears were, in order of the most feared: terrorist attacks, spiders, death, being a failure, war, heights, criminal or gang violence, being alone, the future, and nuclear war.



Instead of ignoring our fears, we should treat them with tenderness and patience. They are an invaluable window into our inner life and the development of our soul. So face your fears, shed your tears, and be patient with those around that you that don’t understand.



"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do."  
~ Eleanor Roosevelt

“Love is what we were born with. Fear is what we learned here.” 

~ Marianne Williamson

Give Us Faith, So We’ll Be Safe

“Faith can give us courage to face the uncertainties of the future.”

~ Martin Luther King Jr.

There’s a beautiful song that singers, Andrea Bocelli, and Josh Groban, have both sung called, “The Prayer.” I have both vocal versions on my iPod. The lyrics are spiritually uplifting and can immediately calm me when I am stressed. “Lead us to a place, guide us with your grace; Give us faith, so we'll be safe.”

A week ago I decided to stay up and watch a late night movie. It was a thriller! My usual genre is romantic comedy or thought provoking drama with an inspirational message. I have to be in the “mood” for action adventure and I rarely watch anything really scary, especially at night before going to sleep. I hadn’t planned to watch the whole movie, as it was taped on my DVR, so I knew I could finish it later. I thought I’d heard good reviews about it and the actors captivated my interest, so I not only started the movie, but continued to watch into the late night hours. My husband gave up half way through the movie and was soon fast asleep beside me. Wide a wake, I continued to stare at the drama displayed before me on my television screen.

The movie began with a successful, happily married, romantic couple, buying their first home. However it soon became evident that all was not well in perfect “happy valley.” Don’t you just hate those movies where the heroine cautiously enters a dark room, just as the music alerts you to possible danger lurking ahead, only to have her say, “Is anybody there?”

“Of course somebody is there!” I want to scream. “Can’t you hear the scary music?”

Well, it soon became apparent that my late night movie was THAT kind of movie! Anyway, the movie eventually progressed to a frightening climax. My heart was pounding as the imminent danger lurked closer and closer. Then suddenly . . . the attacker! I let out a shrill, unsolicited scream! Beside me my husband continued to sleep peacefully, unaware of my outburst, evidence of his over tired condition. The movie concluded. All was well. I shut off the television, still thinking about the movie, now alone with my thoughts in our darkened bedroom.

I couldn’t sleep. All around the outer walls of our bedroom were dark shadows, misty and black, like dense, suffocating fog. I closed my eyes, telling myself it was only my eyes playing tricks on me after staring at the television screen too long. I opened my eyes again, but the shadows persisted, as if there was an evil presence around me. My heart began to pound and I began to feel an unnatural fear within.

I blinked my eyes numerous times, trying to clear the shadowy, dark thick images from my brain. They remained around the perimeters of my room. I closed my eyes and began to pray. I prayed for His Spirit to be with me and for administering angels to calm my fear. I prayed for His light to enter my heart and room, casting out the darkness of evil that had entered. Soon I felt His calming influence and knew His angels had responded to my plea. I felt safe in His arms of love and soon feel fast asleep. “Lead us to a place, guide us with your grace; Give us faith, so we'll be safe.” He is always there, if only we ask.

“Faith is walking face-first and full-speed into the dark. If we truly knew all the answers in advance as to the meaning of life and the nature of God and the destiny of our souls, our belief would not be a leap of faith and it would not be a courageous act of humanity; it would just be . . . a prudent insurance policy.” ~ Elizabeth Gilbert, “Eat, Pray, Love!”

Gratitude Rocks!

“Gratitude is the heart’s memory.” ~ French Proverb 



Carrying a “gratitude rock” in your pocket was made popular by the best selling book, The Secret. Presently you can find unique gratitude rocks in countless shapes, colors, and sizes on numerous websites. The gratitude rock story was about a man named, Lee Brower, whose life seemed to move at such a fast pace that he unconsciously ended up ignoring all of the wonderful experiences, relationships and blessings he had. So he began carrying (what he called) a “gratitude rock” in his pocket, in reality just a small, smooth stone that he picked up by a pond of water. Whenever he put his hand in his pocket and touched the stone—usually several times a day—it was a reminder to him to give thanks for something, usually something happening at that given moment, whether good or bad. Now he carries it with him where ever he goes!



A similar story was published by a writer for the Washington Post, as part of an experiment asking the question, “How many people would recognize beauty in a place where it wasn't expected?”

On a busy workday as commuters rushed toward their busy schedules in Washington, D.C., a 39-year-old man dressed in jeans, a T-shirt, and a baseball cap took out an old violin and began to play. Few people noticed. Most kept their eyes on the ground or looked straight ahead. A few, talking on cell phones, raised their voices in order to be heard over the music. These were, after all, busy people. They had work to do and appointments to keep. They did not stop and they did not listen. What they missed was a rare performance by one of the greatest violinists in the world playing his Stradivarius violin, worth more than three million dollars. He chose to play some of the most technically demanding, elegant music ever written for his instrument, and he played with all the passion and perfection that he had become known for throughout the world.

During the 43-minute concert, nearly 1,100 people passed by. Of those, only seven stopped to listen even for a moment. The writer, who won a Pulitzer Prize for his article about the unheard violinist, summarized the experience with these words: “If we can't take the time out of our lives to stay a moment and listen to one of the best musicians on Earth play some of the best music ever written; if the surge of modern life so overpowers us that we are deaf and blind to something like that--then what else are we missing?” (Lloyd D. Newell, "Music and the Spoken Word," Nov. 1, 2009, Broadcast #4181)

The world offers us daily moments of beauty that can enrich our lives—if we open our eyes and open our hearts! I was diagnosed with a devastating chronic illness, called Lyme disease, 14 years ago and my life has never been the same. The crippling effects of my condition make life a daily challenge. So . . . long ago I decided that just for today . . . every day . . . I'd choose to be in an attitude of gratitude for all God’s gifts. We get to choose how each day begins and receive the positive energy that accompanies our awareness and gratitude for all the many blessings in our lives.

It is amazing how this simple act of daily gratitude can change our perspective and, ultimately, our attitude. Instead of seeing the glass half-empty, it’s half-full. Instead of focusing on what we don’t have, lets focus on what we DO have—right now!



A very wise person once told me, “You won’t attract what you don’t have, until you learn to be grateful for what you do have.” The law of attraction does not focus on our lack—what’s missing, but instead focuses on gratitude for the gifts of life we already have!

So here’s a challenge for today—this season of thanksgiving. Push the “pause” button on your life and take a moment to write down 10 things you are grateful for today. Then grab your own “rock of gratitude” and carry it in your pocket to remind you to live in gratitude each and every day! Hold your gratitude rock in your hand and think about the people and things that you have in your life right now which you are grateful for. Think about the incredible experiences you've had as a result of having these special people and possessions in your life. When you do this on a consistent basis and start to associate the power of these experiences and the feeling of gratitude with your “gratitude rock,” you’ll begin creating a very formidable base from which everything else will grow.

Remember whenever you find yourself overwhelmed by life's daily stresses, all you need to do is to grab your gratitude rock and feel its positive energy to put yourself in the right state of mind immediately.



Each day we have a new canvas placed before us. How will we use it? Here’s what I’m grateful for today. What’s on your list?

My Gratitude Rocks:


1. My Savior; His unconditional love and sacrifice for me.


2. My husband, Dale, and 37 years of marriage, wisdom, dry humor, encouragement, love and support.


3. Our family, immediate and extended and the love they give.


4. Our home; I am warm, dry, and comfortable.


5. The fact that I have enough to eat today.


6. A family business thanks to the hard work of Dale’s parents.


7. Living in the age of technology, the Internet highway of information.


8. Good books to read and heartfelt movies to ponder!


9. Laughter and Sunshine—The Very Best Medicine!


10. Dark Chocolate! (You've read my thoughts about that on a previous blog.)

“Live Well, Laugh Often, Love Much!”

Healing Our Family History

I have gradually been reading a book titled, “Healing Your Family History: 5 Steps to Break Free of Destructive Patterns,” by Rebecca Linder Hintz, and slowly contemplating it’s message content. The forward of this book is written by Stephen R. Covey, author of the best selling book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. “Healing Your Family History” comes highly recommended by Stephen Covey along with music celebrity, Marie Osmond and renowned MD, Christiane Northrup. I’m a fan of this book as well, having discovered some interesting patterns within my own family history.

I read a lot of different kinds of books during this particular season of my life, something I rarely did while raising my children. Back then I generally read ‘self help’ and ‘parenting’ books. However, thanks to the newly invented Kindle Reader (for more information click here), I have rediscovered reading for pleasure again, like I did during my teenage years. The books I enjoy reading usually fall into two basic categories: candy and chocolate. Some books are like sugary candy, a sweet treat that you must keep eating until it is consumed. While others are like decadent dark chocolate, something that must be savored over time. The book “Healing Your Family History” is like dark chocolate. It needs to be studied, pondered, and actively participated in to reap it’s full benefits. There are even worksheets included within its thought-provoking pages.



I have been reading this book along with writing my own history, a work still in progress. I have also been dabbling in researching and recording some of the histories of my ancestors. I’m especially drawn to the incredibly strong women I have descended from. I’ve discovered the truths in the following quote for myself, in being able to understand ‘who we are’ by understanding them:

“Something deep within us wants to connect with those who went before us: our parents, grandparents, great-grandparents, and other family members. When we know who they are—their life stories, their triumphs and failures, their strengths and weaknesses—we gain a better sense of who we are. In a sense, their stories become our stories. We not only learn from them, we feel strengthened and inspired by their lives and experiences. We may even find ourselves thinking, ‘If they could do difficult things, so can I.’ With just a little effort, we can come to know and love those whose lives flow directly into ours.” ~ Lloyd D. Newell, Music and the Spoken Word

One of the many fascinating discoveries I’ve realized from pondering this book, is an interesting attitude that seems to have been passed down through the generations. This discovery about my female ancestors is only my opinion, but one that I find intriguing!

Since I wrote my little “Run-a-way Bride” blog on my anniversary (click here for blog entry), I've had some interesting discussions and thoughts that have brought about my recent revelation. I thought I was the only run-a-way bride in the family with fear of commitment. Then I discovered an aunt that also had a run-a-way bride story, and after a discussion with my younger sister I realized that all my siblings had fears of commitment as well. The fears go back to my mother, my grandmother and even way back to my great, great grandmother, who was probably the most reluctant bride of all! 



I've grown to love this great, great grandmother named, Emma, who made impetuous choices that she later regretted. There are so many lessons of life consequences, strength, and courage within her story. She was told it wasn’t proper to be running around the way she did, that she needed to marry the man who loved her or become one of the polygamous wife's of Wilford Woodruff, causing her to reluctantly choose the former. She gave birth to her first child just two months after her marriage date, obviously pregnant before marriage, an occurrence quite scandalous in the days before Hollywood made it appear acceptable. Of course things of that delicate nature were never discussed in that era. [I just finished reading Little Women again. There is no mention of Meg’s pending pregnancy until the twin babies are born, as “one does not speak of such things!”]

It is interesting to me how our fears get passed down through generations of DNA. That must be why it's so important to do our family history . . . so we can heal our hearts and theirs! What a glorious reunion that will be in heaven when we all understand one another in love without judgement!

I think my husband, Dale, understands that my run-a-way bride story had nothing to do with not loving him . . . just a fear of losing myself and my own dreams! He can't resist teasing me about it though. Recently I discovered a 40s song called, "Linda," that is so cute. When Dale heard it he said, "Hey that's me. That could have been my theme song in high school!" Here are some of the words he was referring to:

When I go to sleep, 


I never count sheep, 


I count all the charms about Linda. 


And lately it seems, 


In all of my dreams, 


I walk with my arms about Linda. 


But what good does it do me? 


For Linda doesn’t know that I exist. 


Can't help feeling gloomy, 


Think of all the lovin' I've missed!

I was truly afraid if I got married I would just have children, never graduating from college or being able to teach and travel. I wanted to travel and see far away places. However, my fears were needless. I married and still graduated from BYU, and that education has been such a blessing in my life. My six children were planned by choice and I have been able to travel with my husband, Dale, to some exciting places that have given me wonderful memories. My Dale is a fun traveling companion. I’ve taught preschool and taught in the church “because" of marriage, not in spite of it.

I come from a legacy of strong willed women who are stubborn and get what they want! Thats a great legacy of Family History!



“There's a story behind everything . . . How a picture got on a wall, how a scar got on your face. Sometimes the stories are simple and sometimes they are hard and heartbreaking. But behind all your stories is always your mother's story because hers is where yours begins.” ~ Mitch Albom, For One More Day

“To heal our world, we must heal our families!” ~ Stephen Covey

“Healing our family’s history is key to getting better ourselves.”

~ Rebecca Linder Hintze, Healing Your Family History

“Every woman who heals herself helps heal all the women who came before her and all those who will come after her!” ~ Dr. Christiana Northrup, MD