The Secret Life of Bees

“The whole fabric of honey bee society depends on communication—on an innate ability to send and receive messages, to encode and decode information.” ~ The Honey Bee by James L. Gould and Carol Grant Gould

According to Sue Monk Kidd, author of the New York Times #1 best selling novel, The Secret Life of Bees, “Bees [are] considered a symbol of the soul—of death and rebirth.” The complex society of Bees depends solely on “communication” within the hive in order to achieve the ultimate goal of honey making. Their lives are a remarkable lesson on the importance of effective communication. If only we, as humans, could do as well as Bees!

Rarely does a fictional story touch me as much as this particular one did. The symbolism of the bees are woven intricately throughout the book, creating a magical narrative of a mother’s love—lost and found, and finding forgiveness. The book boldly explores life’s wounds as a young girl forges her journey toward healing, ultimately revealing the deeper meaning of home and the redemptive simplicity of “choosing what matters.” It is a story about searching for truth and healing the past.

The novel is set in South Carolina in 1964, when intensifying racial unrest and the Civil Rights Act dominated our nation’s history. Lily Owens is a 14-year-old girl being raised by her verbally and often physically abusive, neglectful father. The only mother figure in Lily’s life is her loving, yet strong-minded black housekeeper, Rosaleen. Isolated on their South Carolina peach farm, Lily spends hours imagining a blissful infancy when she was loved and nurtured by her mother, Deborah, whom she barely remembers. Lily’s memories are haunted by images of a four year old Lily holding the gun that ended her mother’s life.

The Secret Life of Bees is a powerful coming-of-age story, the often unacknowledged longing for the universal feminine divine, and the ability of unconditional love to transform our lives. While addressing the deep wounds of loss, betrayal, and lack of love, this book demonstrates the power of women coming together to heal those wounds.

“When women bond together in a community in such a way that ‘sisterhood’ is created, it gives them an accepting and intimate forum to tell their stories and have them heard and validated by others. The community not only helps to heal their circumstance, but encourages them to grow into their larger destiny.” ~ Sue Monk Kidd

Critic Luanne Rice said, “The Secret Life of Bees proves that a family can be found where you least expect it—maybe not under your own roof, but in that magical place where you find love. The Secret Life of Bees is a gift, filled with hope!”

I highly recommend it! It's truly a magical worthwhile book! Here are a few of my favorite book quotes:

“The world [is] really one big bee yard, and the same rules work fine in both places: Don’t be afraid, as no life-loving bee wants to sting you. Still, don’t be an idiot; wear long sleeves and long pants . . . [Remember] every little thing wants to be loved!” ~ Sue Monk Kidd, “The Secret Life of Bees”

“Some things don’t matter that much . . . But lifting a person’s heart—now, that matters . . . The problem is [people] know what matters, but they don’t choose it.” ~ Sue Monk Kidd, “The Secret Life of Bees”

“It’s something everybody wants—for someone to see the hurt done to them and set it down like it matters.” ~ Sue Monk Kidd, “The Secret Life of Bees”

“I couldn’t make heads or tails of my heart. One minute I hated my mother, the next I felt sorry for her . . . I’d traded in a pack of lies for a pack of truth, and I didn’t know which one was heavier. Which one took the most strength to carry around? It was a ridiculous question, though, because once you know the truth, you can’t ever go back and pick up your suitcase of lies. Heavier or not, the truth is yours now.” ~ Sue Monk Kidd, “The Secret Life of Bees”

“Every person on the face of the earth makes mistakes . . . Every last one. We’re all so human . . . There is nothing perfect . . . There is only life.” ~ Sue Monk Kidd, “The Secret Life of Bees”

“People, in general, would rather die than forgive. It’s that hard. If God said in plain language, ‘I’m giving you a choice, forgive or die,’ a lot of people would go ahead and order their coffin.” ~ Sue Monk Kidd, “The Secret Life of Bees”

The Whole Truth and Nothing But

Most of us consider ourselves to be people of integrity—living a life of honesty with strong moral convictions, striving to always tell the truth. We consider ourselves a step above the occasional politician or celebrity, revealed to be leading a secret life of corruption and deceit. But what would our world be like if everybody ALWAYS told the truth? What if we simply blurted out every single thought that popped into our heads, without editing the content—the whole truth and nothing but the truth?

Recently I saw a movie called, “The Invention of Lying.” It’s not a movie I’d particularly recommend, as it was slow and poorly written, occasionally resorting to sexual humor to get a laugh. But the idea of not being able to lie—EVER, is an interesting concept to explore. How would it change our world?

The movie takes place in a fictionally based world where “lying” has not yet been invented. People openly express all their thoughts and ideas, living life on facts—things seen. Faith—belief of things not seen, is not a hypothesis yet perceived. For example when main character Anna, played by actress Jennifer Garner, is asked on a date, she says something like, “I’m not particularly attracted to you, but I’ll go because I know one day I’ll lose my looks and I’m terrified of living my life alone!”

Mark, played by comedian Ricky Gervais, is a quirky, sexually unattractive, screenwriter, about to be fired due to his boring script writing—much like this movie he wrote. He is of course in love with Anna, who judges him by his outward appearance and considers him a real loser. However, everything changes when Mark tells the first fib—an invention that he soon discovers can open doors for him that were formerly closed. He finds power and influence that he’s never experienced!

One of the interesting moments of the movie occurs when Mark’s mother is dying. Because their world is based on absolute fact and truth, the medical personnel caring for his mother, along with his mother, have no belief in an afterlife. The doctors are brutally frank when explaining the situation and make no attempt to soften the blow. Mark is distraught watching his mother suffer, who is fearful of her impending death—terrified of the unknown. So Mark calms his mother by telling her she has nothing to fear. He tells her that she is going to a beautiful place where she will be greeted by all her loved ones who previously died—a place where she will be young again, able to run and move freely. His mother relaxes and peacefully passes away. Meanwhile the doctors and nurses are completely astounded with this “new truth” and beg to know more. Soon Mark is mobbed by television reporters and crowds of people desiring the whole truth.

However, with this new theory of God—a man in the sky that can make good things happen, comes the realization that God might also be responsible for the misfortunes that also occur in their lives! No one is prepared to except the complete truth, and they quickly reject God as truth.

The movie does make you ponder the good of living in a world of complete truth. Do we really want to know the answer to, “Does this dress make me look fat?” Or are we happier living with a little less reality—a world where we decide what truths should be shared?

Perhaps when all is said and done in this world we presently live in, where integrity is constantly at risk of becoming extinct, we must first be honest with ourselves—accepting responsibility for our own choices. We may ask for advice or be given counsel from others, but ultimately we have the free agency to choose for ourselves. It has been said that, “The truth will set you free—because living a lie is no life at all.” I have great respect for all those who choose to speak the truth—the whole truth and nothing but the truth. We are inspired by their truth. They make us want to be more—become better than we are. They are life’s true heros!

* * * * *

“Memories inhabit our stories, make them breathe, give them life. So we learn to live with the reality that what we remember is an imperfect version of what we know to be true . . . Her counterfeit identity gave her a new life, but it also took its toll, requiring her to nurture the deceit, to learn the art of lying—not merely how to tell a lie, but how to live a lie, because lying was the route to survival, lying was safety. But always, always, she lived with the fear of being discovered.” ~ Quoted by author, Steve Luxenberg, in his novel “Annie’s Ghosts,” a true story

“Mom never shed her secret, and it also defined her. She did what she had to do. I suspect that Mom never intended for her secret to last a lifetime. Most of the time, we make a decision based on the circumstances at the time . . . [But] just as a cure can be worse than the disease, revelation can be more devastating than reticence. That’s the fear that seems to drive many of us to embrace silence or deception. But too often, we’re just telling one more lie, this one to ourselves.” ~ Quoted by author, Steve Luxenberg, in his novel “Annie’s Ghosts,” a true story

Healing Our Family History

I have gradually been reading a book titled, “Healing Your Family History: 5 Steps to Break Free of Destructive Patterns,” by Rebecca Linder Hintz, and slowly contemplating it’s message content. The forward of this book is written by Stephen R. Covey, author of the best selling book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. “Healing Your Family History” comes highly recommended by Stephen Covey along with music celebrity, Marie Osmond and renowned MD, Christiane Northrup. I’m a fan of this book as well, having discovered some interesting patterns within my own family history.

I read a lot of different kinds of books during this particular season of my life, something I rarely did while raising my children. Back then I generally read ‘self help’ and ‘parenting’ books. However, thanks to the newly invented Kindle Reader (for more information click here), I have rediscovered reading for pleasure again, like I did during my teenage years. The books I enjoy reading usually fall into two basic categories: candy and chocolate. Some books are like sugary candy, a sweet treat that you must keep eating until it is consumed. While others are like decadent dark chocolate, something that must be savored over time. The book “Healing Your Family History” is like dark chocolate. It needs to be studied, pondered, and actively participated in to reap it’s full benefits. There are even worksheets included within its thought-provoking pages.



I have been reading this book along with writing my own history, a work still in progress. I have also been dabbling in researching and recording some of the histories of my ancestors. I’m especially drawn to the incredibly strong women I have descended from. I’ve discovered the truths in the following quote for myself, in being able to understand ‘who we are’ by understanding them:

“Something deep within us wants to connect with those who went before us: our parents, grandparents, great-grandparents, and other family members. When we know who they are—their life stories, their triumphs and failures, their strengths and weaknesses—we gain a better sense of who we are. In a sense, their stories become our stories. We not only learn from them, we feel strengthened and inspired by their lives and experiences. We may even find ourselves thinking, ‘If they could do difficult things, so can I.’ With just a little effort, we can come to know and love those whose lives flow directly into ours.” ~ Lloyd D. Newell, Music and the Spoken Word

One of the many fascinating discoveries I’ve realized from pondering this book, is an interesting attitude that seems to have been passed down through the generations. This discovery about my female ancestors is only my opinion, but one that I find intriguing!

Since I wrote my little “Run-a-way Bride” blog on my anniversary (click here for blog entry), I've had some interesting discussions and thoughts that have brought about my recent revelation. I thought I was the only run-a-way bride in the family with fear of commitment. Then I discovered an aunt that also had a run-a-way bride story, and after a discussion with my younger sister I realized that all my siblings had fears of commitment as well. The fears go back to my mother, my grandmother and even way back to my great, great grandmother, who was probably the most reluctant bride of all! 



I've grown to love this great, great grandmother named, Emma, who made impetuous choices that she later regretted. There are so many lessons of life consequences, strength, and courage within her story. She was told it wasn’t proper to be running around the way she did, that she needed to marry the man who loved her or become one of the polygamous wife's of Wilford Woodruff, causing her to reluctantly choose the former. She gave birth to her first child just two months after her marriage date, obviously pregnant before marriage, an occurrence quite scandalous in the days before Hollywood made it appear acceptable. Of course things of that delicate nature were never discussed in that era. [I just finished reading Little Women again. There is no mention of Meg’s pending pregnancy until the twin babies are born, as “one does not speak of such things!”]

It is interesting to me how our fears get passed down through generations of DNA. That must be why it's so important to do our family history . . . so we can heal our hearts and theirs! What a glorious reunion that will be in heaven when we all understand one another in love without judgement!

I think my husband, Dale, understands that my run-a-way bride story had nothing to do with not loving him . . . just a fear of losing myself and my own dreams! He can't resist teasing me about it though. Recently I discovered a 40s song called, "Linda," that is so cute. When Dale heard it he said, "Hey that's me. That could have been my theme song in high school!" Here are some of the words he was referring to:

When I go to sleep, 


I never count sheep, 


I count all the charms about Linda. 


And lately it seems, 


In all of my dreams, 


I walk with my arms about Linda. 


But what good does it do me? 


For Linda doesn’t know that I exist. 


Can't help feeling gloomy, 


Think of all the lovin' I've missed!

I was truly afraid if I got married I would just have children, never graduating from college or being able to teach and travel. I wanted to travel and see far away places. However, my fears were needless. I married and still graduated from BYU, and that education has been such a blessing in my life. My six children were planned by choice and I have been able to travel with my husband, Dale, to some exciting places that have given me wonderful memories. My Dale is a fun traveling companion. I’ve taught preschool and taught in the church “because" of marriage, not in spite of it.

I come from a legacy of strong willed women who are stubborn and get what they want! Thats a great legacy of Family History!



“There's a story behind everything . . . How a picture got on a wall, how a scar got on your face. Sometimes the stories are simple and sometimes they are hard and heartbreaking. But behind all your stories is always your mother's story because hers is where yours begins.” ~ Mitch Albom, For One More Day

“To heal our world, we must heal our families!” ~ Stephen Covey

“Healing our family’s history is key to getting better ourselves.”

~ Rebecca Linder Hintze, Healing Your Family History

“Every woman who heals herself helps heal all the women who came before her and all those who will come after her!” ~ Dr. Christiana Northrup, MD

The Invisible Wall

“When is this world going to grow up? When are people going to learn that we’re all alike and nobody’s any better or worse than anybody else? How many wars do we have to fight, and how many more millions have to be slaughtered before the world gets any sense in its fat head?” I love this quote from the book I just finished reading entitled, “The Invisible Wall: A Love Story That Broke Barriers,” by Harry Bernstein. From the very first chapter I was “hooked,” reading it every moment I could. I was completely captivated by this little book depicting the barriers between Christians and Jews and the love story within the story that broke down those invisible walls. I had no idea the extent of bigotry and anti-Semitism that existed before the war and still exists to some extent today!



Harry Bernstein grew up in a small world of poverty with an abusive, distant father. In the Lancashire mill town of his English childhood, during prewar and wartime of the early last century, the poverty stricken Jews clustered along one side of their neighborhood street and the Christians lived on the other side, separated by a few feet that might as well have been hundreds of miles. “The Invisible Wall,” is a heart-wrenching memoir, describing two cultures cohabiting uneasily, prey to misunderstandings that distort lives on both sides. It is a world of pain and prejudice, a story that brilliantly illuminates a time, a place and a family struggling valiantly to beat impossible odds.



The book was suggested to me by my neighborhood book club. At first I was only interested in it because of the author, Harry Bernstein’s amazing accomplishment of publishing his memoir at the age of 93. That is a story in itself, an inspiration to anyone who thinks it’s too late. However, as I read this engaging story I quickly fell in love with the book and it's poignant message. Here are some thoughts in Harry's own words from an interview he gave after making the New York Times best sellers list.

“If I had not lived until I was 90, I would not have been able to write this book,” he said. “It just could not have been done even when I was 10 years younger. I wasn't ready.” And he suggested that he might not be an anomaly: “God knows what other potentials lurk in other people, if we could only keep them alive well into their 90s!”

The interview went on to say that the catalyst for “The Invisible Wall” was the death, nearly five years earlier, of Ruby, his wife of 67 years, who had leukemia. “It was a terrible thing for me because it never occurred to either one of us that it would not last forever,” he said. “There was so much emptiness, especially at nighttime, and you had to find something to fill in that gap. I was looking for a home.”

He found it, he said, in his childhood memories, and then in writing about them. “I realized then why I had failed in writing novels,” he said. “Because I turned away from personal experience and depended on imagination.” Harry Bernstein is now 99 years old and has published a second book depicting his life after immigrating to America, called, “The Dream.” I can't wait to read it!



“People get smarter. The human brain has a potential for development. Someday it will grow big enough so that everybody will see and understand the truth, and then we won’t act like a bunch of sheep, and then that wall that separates the two sides of our street will crumble, just like the Wall of Jericho . . . We’re going to have a better world. Things won’t always be the way they are now. I promise you, there’ll be a better world than the one we’re living in today.” ~ Quotation from “The Invisible Wall”