Understanding a Woman

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said, “Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.”

Excitedly, the man said, “Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want.” 


Disappointed, the Lord said, “Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. Consider the supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Why don’t you take a little more time and think of something that would honor and glorify me?”

The man sincerely thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, “Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife! I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says, 'nothings wrong' and how I can make a woman truly happy.”

The Lord replied, “You want two lanes or four on that bridge?”

Definitions of Nine Words Women Use:


1. FINE: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to stop talking.


2. FIVE MINUTES: If she is getting dressed, this means half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.


3. NOTHING: This is the ‘calm’ before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.


4. GO AHEAD: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!


5. LOUD SIGH: This is not actually a word, but a nonverbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)


6. THAT’S OKAY: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.


7. THANKS: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say, “You're welcome.” (I want to add in a clause here. This is true, unless she says, “Thanks a lot,” which is PURE sarcasm and she is NOT thanking you at all. DO NOT say, “You're welcome,” as that will bring on a “whatever”).


8. WHATEVER: This is a subtle way a woman has of saying GO TO XXXX!!!


9. DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, I GOT IT: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking, “What's wrong?” For the woman's response refer to #3.


“Women are meant to be loved . . . not to be understood!” ~ Oscar Wilde