The Husband Store

“Why can’t a woman be more like a man?” 
~ Henry Higgins (My Fair Lady) 

Recently, after having my monthly acupuncture treatment, my therapist tested me for a “Bach Flower” remedy to enhance my treatment during the following month. Now for those of you who know a little something about homopathic medicine, you know that Bach Flowers are medicinal remedies made from flower essences to aid and assist emotional healing. Every Bach Flower has a negative and a positive quality. Positive qualities are displayed when our emotions are balanced, while the negative qualities surface when our emotions are imbalanced. So you might say that having your body call for a particular Bach flower is like wearing a Scarlet Letter displaying all your worst qualities! Needless to say, it can be a test of self evaluation––facing your reality and understanding how others may see you.

Bach Flower remedies are usually short-term remedies—a little pick-me-up, that helps rebalance and redirect your emotions positively. While the negative traits can be a slap in the face with your own reality, more annoying to me is that my husband never needs one. Never! My husband, who also has a monthly acupuncture treatment at the same clinic, never tests for a remedy. Why is this? “Why can’t a woman be more like a man?” 

If I entered a room full of men and women and asked if anyone knew what a Bach Flower was, more than likely there would be a handful of women who not only knew what they were, but would instantly relate personal testimonials of their effectiveness. The men in the room wouldn’t have a clue. Or care. At all. As women, we display our emotions on our sleaves for all to see. We are sharers of information and caregivers of emotional therapy to oneanother. A simple question posed in a group of women can be the opening statement for a thesis of wisdom! Men, on the other hand, tend to keep their emotions safely bottled up inside themselves. When asked a direct question, they answer it––short and to the point. The End. They don’t feel the need to share life experiences or personal anecdotes. They are content to let others “live and let live” without need of their acquired knowledge. Instead they save up all their buried emotions as “road rage” for the jerk that cuts them off in traffic, or “phone range” for the unsuspecting phone solicitor who has called one too many times! But as women, we enjoy sharing every aspect of our lives with one another, leaving our husband’s to wonder, “Why can’t a woman be more like a man?”

So in honor of the month we celebrate Father’s Day––our sons, husbands, dads, and grandfathers, I am sharing this wonderful allegory. Although unflattering to my gender, it is a humorous example of our high female expectations. A man takes life at face value, allowing everyone to be themselves more or less. As women we expect more. We expect perfection. With women there is always room for growth and improvement––especially within ourselves, and more importantly within our husband’s! Enjoy!

* * * * * 

The Husband Store 

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors, and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch: You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building.

So, a woman goes to The Husband Store to find herself a husband.

On the first floor, the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 — “These men have jobs and love the Lord.”

The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 — “These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.”

The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 — “These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.” “Wow,” she thinks excitedly, but feels compelled to keep shopping.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads: Floor 4 — “These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead good looking, and help with the housework.” “Oh, mercy me!” she exclaims. “I can hardly stand it!”

Still, she goes to the fifth floor where the sign reads: Floor 5 — “These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.”

She is thrilled and so tempted to stay, but unable to resist her curiousity, she goes to the sixth floor where the sign reads: Floor 6 — “You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at The Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!”