How Do I Love Thee?

Our Engagement (April 24, 1972)

“How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach . . .” These famous romantic words, penned by poet, Elizabeth Barrett Browning, are considered to be some of the most unconditional words of love, transcending all love throughout history.

Recently I had an opportunity to ponder this author’s life when I saw on old black and white 1930’s movie on television called, “The Barretts of Wimpole Street.” Elizabeth Barrett was born in England in 1806, the oldest of twelve children. She was well educated and read Shakespearean plays, among other great works, before the age of ten. By her twelfth year she had written her first “epic” poem, which consisted of four books of rhyming couplets. However, by the age of fourteen, Elizabeth developed a lung ailment that plagued her for the rest of her life. Doctors began treating her with morphine, which she would take until her death. In addition, at age fifteen, while saddling a pony, Elizabeth suffered a spinal injury. Despite her ailments, her education continued to flourish. She had a passionate enthusiasm for her Christian faith and taught herself Hebrew so that she could read the Old Testament.

In 1828, when Elizabeth was 22 years old, her beloved mother died, leaving her in the hands of her tyrannical father. Following this tragedy Elizabeth’s much-loved brother, Edward, also died, drowning in a sailing accident. Distraught and overcome with sadness, Elizabeth became an invalid and a recluse, spending the next five years in her bedroom at her father's home. She continued writing, however, and in 1844 produced a collection entitled simply “Poems.” This volume gained the attention of the famous poet, Robert Browning, whose work Elizabeth had praised in one of her poems, and he wrote her a letter.

Elizabeth and Robert exchanged 574 letters over the next twenty months! Unfortunately, their romance was bitterly opposed by Elizabeth’s father, who did not want any of his children to marry. So in 1846, the couple eloped and settled in Florence, Italy, where Elizabeth's health improved with Robert’s loving care and devotion. Elizabeth bore a son, her only child, three years later at the age of 43. Her father never spoke to her again.

Her poem “How Do I Love Thee?” was part of a collection of Sonnets written in secret before her marriage. The poem expressed her secret thoughts of her unconditional love for Robert, long before their mutual feelings were known. It was published in 1850, eleven years before Elizabeth Barrett Browning died in Florence on June 29, 1861.

Once my sister, Vicki, told me I was more fortunate than most, to have known, pure, unconditional love. I was taken by surprise by her comment, having never really thought about it before. I suppose it is easy to take for granted those rarest of gifts, having always possessed them. However, my husband, Dale, has always loved me unconditionally, even before we united and became as one.

Unconditional love—real love—is caring about the happiness of another person without any thought for what we might get for ourselves. It is a concept comparable to “true love” and said to be the greatest power known to man. Mystics, singers and poets have all expressed ballads of love—love that can fill us up, make us whole, and give us the happiness we all want.

Dale and I began seriously dating in the early 70s, still unsure about one another’s true feelings, while trying to discover our own little love story. The 1970’s quintessential romantic movie, “Love Story,” was popular in the movie theaters. I remember spending an afternoon watching it with my college roommates in a darkened, downtown Provo movie theater, sobbing uncontrollably, as it was representative of what every girl wanted. We didn’t want a sorrowful, tragic ending of course, but it gave us hope for romantic love, the kind that lasts forever.

I was afraid of marriage and in denial of my newfound feelings, continuing to write several missionaries and date other boys. Trying to postpone the inevitable a little longer, I was a talkative, humorous date, with no romantic intentions. During this time Dale was going to school and working in Salt Lake, while putting a lot of miles on his little green Mustang, coming to see me. The more I liked him, the more I tried to find excuses for not being available. At Christmas time I bought Dale a colored shirt and a tie, gently helping him depart from his tried and true returned missionary “white shirt” attire. I also made him a giant red stocking to hold the gifts, complete with three large lumps of black coal I’d picked out at a construction site. I intended for my gift to be more on the humorous side instead of sentimental, securing our relationship as “just friends.”

Dale on the other hand arrived on Christmas Eve with two little packages, small and suspiciously ring sized, or at least my family thought so. As I began to open the gifts, my family descended on us with the movie camera, quite an ordeal in the days of silent home movies with additional hand held lighting. Everyone, but Dale and I, breathlessly waited the “big moment,” when all would be revealed. We were blissfully unaware of their expectations, having no idea why they were all so interested in our gift exchange. Inside the first package I discovered a pair of beautiful, long dangly earrings. Inside the second package, carefully arranged and displayed, lay a perfect “real” hot pink, miniature rose with an intricate, miniature crystal vase. It might have been a let down to my anxious family, but to me it was the perfect gift, romantically from the heart. We became officially engaged the following April, resulting in a June wedding.

Dale has always had a green thumb. Not literally of course, but he has always loved working with plants, especially miniature ones. He helped his dad with the yard work growing up and especially enjoyed caring for the outdoor baby rose bushes. In high school he would often tie baby roses to the front doorknob of my house while I was at work. After his mission, Dale began growing his own miniature roses in a little greenhouse he set up in his bedroom. Dale pruned, watered, and pampered his little plants, waiting for the first rose blossom to bud. Finally after a few successful blooms, the perfect rose blossomed just in time to be his Christmas gift to me! The perfect rose for an imperfect girl, who didn’t know the best thing that ever happened to her, until he quietly slipped into her life and deep inside her heart. A very small rosebud, insignificant to most, but significant of the unconditional love that he has always given me.

 “Happy Valentine’s Day, Dale!” 
~ Love, Linda

“I love thee with the breath, smiles, tears, of all my life! 
 And, if God choose, I shall but love thee better after death.” 
~ Elizabeth Barrett Browning

“The Miniature Rose”—Given with Love, to Me!

“Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, 
But what you want is someone who will
 take the bus with you . . . 
When the limo breaks down!” ~ Oprah Winfrey