The Marshmallow Experiment

In the late 1960s, a four-year-old girl with long brown hair, was invited into a game room at the Bing Nursery School, on the campus of Stanford University. Although the room was little more than a large closet, containing a desk and a chair, what took place was one of the most astounding psychological studies in self-control ever performed!

Little Carolyn was asked to sit down in a chair and pick a treat from a tray of marshmallows, cookies, and pretzel sticks. Carolyn chose a marshmallow. The researcher then made Carolyn an offer: she could either eat one marshmallow right away or, if she was willing to wait while the researcher stepped out of the room for 15 minutes, she could have “two” marshmallows when he returned. He further explained that if Carolyn rang the little bell on the desk, he would come running back—allowing her to eat one marshmallow immediately, but forfeiting the second. Carolyn was left alone in the room pondering her decision of delayed gratification.

Carolyn was able to resist the temptation to eat the marshmallow immediately. However, Carolyn’s older brother, Craig, who also took part in the experiment, displayed less fortitude. Craig still remembers the torment of trying to wait. “At a certain point, it must have occurred to me that I was all by myself,” he recalls. “And so I just started taking all the candy!” According to Craig, he was also tested with little plastic toys—he could have a second one if he held out—and he broke into the desk, where he figured there would be additional toys. “I took everything I could,” he says. “I cleaned them out. After that, I noticed the teachers encouraged me to not go into the experiment room anymore.”

Footage of these experiments, which were conducted over several years, show the children as they struggle to delay gratification for just a little bit longer. Some cover their eyes with their hands or turn around so that they can’t see the tray. Others start kicking the desk, or tug on their pigtails, or stroke the marshmallow as if it were a tiny stuffed animal. One little boy looked carefully around the room to make sure that nobody could see him. Then he picked up an Oreo, delicately twisted it apart, and licked off the white cream filling. With a satisfied look on his face, he returning the cookie to the tray!

Most of the children in the experiment were like Craig. They struggled to resist the treat and held out for an average of less than three minutes. “A few kids ate the marshmallow right away,” Walter Mischel, the Stanford professor of psychology in charge of the experiment, remembers. “They didn’t even bother ringing the bell. Other kids would stare directly at the marshmallow and then ring the bell thirty seconds later.” About thirty per cent of the children, however, were like Carolyn. They successfully delayed gratification until the researcher returned. These kids wrestled with temptation, but found a way to resist!

After this interesting experiment, professor Mischel moved on to other areas of research, for, in his own words, “There are only so many things you can do with kids trying not to eat marshmallows.” But as time went on, he decided to keep track of the children. He collected surveys over the following years from the students, parents, and their instructors. He began to notice an interesting correlation: the children who could not wait struggled later in life and had more behavioral problems, while those who waited tended to be more positive and better motivated, have higher grades and incomes, and have healthier relationships!

The simple experiment that originally began with children and marshmallows, became a landmark study suggesting that the ability to wait—to be patient—is a key character trait that may predict later success in life. As parents, it brings home the need for us to help our children learn patience—encouraging the self confidence that comes from working for goals or monetary desires. If we are to teach it effectively, we must learn to delay our own instant gratification—planning for the future, being willing to wait for life’s great rewards.

We live in a world where everything is instantaneous and we love it! Waiting can be hard. We have high speed Internet, fast food, and instant messages. The answers to our immediate questions can be instantly achieved with a click of a computer mouse. We have an unlimited resourse of ideas and shopping—availavble at our fingertips, no longer neccessitating the need to “let your fingers do the walking through the yellow pages.” We want it now! And we can get it! However, in doing so, life can feel like a race we’ve entered—one we must win at all costs, like the sign humorously found on a bumper sticker: “He who has the most toys, wins!”



President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, has said, “Patience—the ability to put our desires on hold for a time—is a precious and rare virtue. We want what we want, and we want it now. Therefore, the very idea of patience may seem unpleasant and, at times, bitter. Nevertheless, without patience, we cannot please God; we cannot become perfect. Indeed, patience is a purifying process that refines understanding, deepens happiness, focuses action, and offers hope for peace.” (General Conference Priesthood Session, April 2010)

Walter Mischel’s famous marshmallow experiment is a great reminder of the need to learn to delay instantaneous gratification in a world of gain—to get the most goodies. In our rush to succeed, let’s remember the Chinese Proverb, “Good things come to those who wait!”

“Until you make peace with ‘who you are,’ you’ll never be content with what you have!” ~ Doris Mortman

The Whole Truth and Nothing But

Most of us consider ourselves to be people of integrity—living a life of honesty with strong moral convictions, striving to always tell the truth. We consider ourselves a step above the occasional politician or celebrity, revealed to be leading a secret life of corruption and deceit. But what would our world be like if everybody ALWAYS told the truth? What if we simply blurted out every single thought that popped into our heads, without editing the content—the whole truth and nothing but the truth?

Recently I saw a movie called, “The Invention of Lying.” It’s not a movie I’d particularly recommend, as it was slow and poorly written, occasionally resorting to sexual humor to get a laugh. But the idea of not being able to lie—EVER, is an interesting concept to explore. How would it change our world?

The movie takes place in a fictionally based world where “lying” has not yet been invented. People openly express all their thoughts and ideas, living life on facts—things seen. Faith—belief of things not seen, is not a hypothesis yet perceived. For example when main character Anna, played by actress Jennifer Garner, is asked on a date, she says something like, “I’m not particularly attracted to you, but I’ll go because I know one day I’ll lose my looks and I’m terrified of living my life alone!”

Mark, played by comedian Ricky Gervais, is a quirky, sexually unattractive, screenwriter, about to be fired due to his boring script writing—much like this movie he wrote. He is of course in love with Anna, who judges him by his outward appearance and considers him a real loser. However, everything changes when Mark tells the first fib—an invention that he soon discovers can open doors for him that were formerly closed. He finds power and influence that he’s never experienced!

One of the interesting moments of the movie occurs when Mark’s mother is dying. Because their world is based on absolute fact and truth, the medical personnel caring for his mother, along with his mother, have no belief in an afterlife. The doctors are brutally frank when explaining the situation and make no attempt to soften the blow. Mark is distraught watching his mother suffer, who is fearful of her impending death—terrified of the unknown. So Mark calms his mother by telling her she has nothing to fear. He tells her that she is going to a beautiful place where she will be greeted by all her loved ones who previously died—a place where she will be young again, able to run and move freely. His mother relaxes and peacefully passes away. Meanwhile the doctors and nurses are completely astounded with this “new truth” and beg to know more. Soon Mark is mobbed by television reporters and crowds of people desiring the whole truth.

However, with this new theory of God—a man in the sky that can make good things happen, comes the realization that God might also be responsible for the misfortunes that also occur in their lives! No one is prepared to except the complete truth, and they quickly reject God as truth.

The movie does make you ponder the good of living in a world of complete truth. Do we really want to know the answer to, “Does this dress make me look fat?” Or are we happier living with a little less reality—a world where we decide what truths should be shared?

Perhaps when all is said and done in this world we presently live in, where integrity is constantly at risk of becoming extinct, we must first be honest with ourselves—accepting responsibility for our own choices. We may ask for advice or be given counsel from others, but ultimately we have the free agency to choose for ourselves. It has been said that, “The truth will set you free—because living a lie is no life at all.” I have great respect for all those who choose to speak the truth—the whole truth and nothing but the truth. We are inspired by their truth. They make us want to be more—become better than we are. They are life’s true heros!

* * * * *

“Memories inhabit our stories, make them breathe, give them life. So we learn to live with the reality that what we remember is an imperfect version of what we know to be true . . . Her counterfeit identity gave her a new life, but it also took its toll, requiring her to nurture the deceit, to learn the art of lying—not merely how to tell a lie, but how to live a lie, because lying was the route to survival, lying was safety. But always, always, she lived with the fear of being discovered.” ~ Quoted by author, Steve Luxenberg, in his novel “Annie’s Ghosts,” a true story

“Mom never shed her secret, and it also defined her. She did what she had to do. I suspect that Mom never intended for her secret to last a lifetime. Most of the time, we make a decision based on the circumstances at the time . . . [But] just as a cure can be worse than the disease, revelation can be more devastating than reticence. That’s the fear that seems to drive many of us to embrace silence or deception. But too often, we’re just telling one more lie, this one to ourselves.” ~ Quoted by author, Steve Luxenberg, in his novel “Annie’s Ghosts,” a true story

Definition of a Hater

The word “hate” is associated with an intense feeling of dislike. It may occur in a wide variety of contexts—hatred of inanimate objects, hatred of oneself, or hatred of other people. But a “hater” is a person that simply cannot be happy for another person's success. Hater’s might not even desire to be like the person he or she hates, but taking them down a notch, with a derogatory comment or two, somehow makes a hater feel better about themselves. Rather than being happy for the other person’s achievements, a hater makes a point of exposing another’s flaws.

Don't worry about your haters or why they hate you. It’s not your problem . . . it's theirs! Just pray for them, that their life can be fulfilled. Watch out for haters . . . but most of all—don't let yourself become a hater!

Maya Angelou, an American autobiographer and poet, has been called “America's most visible black female autobiographer.” She is a new kind of memoirist—one of the first African American women to publicly discuss her personal life. Maya Angelou has became highly recognized and respected as a spokesperson for women of all races. In discusing her road to success she said, “We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.” ~ Maya Angelou

Here is Maya Angelou’s famous poem depicting the definition of a “hater.” Let it be a reminder to us all to remember who we are—divine children of God, discovering our true purpose here on earth. Fulfill your dreams!

Hater
By Maya Angelou

A hater is someone who is jealous and envious and spends all their time trying to make you look small so they can look tall. They are very negative people to say the least. Nothing is ever good enough!

When you make your mark, you will always attract some haters . . . That's why you have to be careful with whom you share your blessings and your dreams, because some folk can't handle seeing you blessed.

It's dangerous to be like somebody else . . . If God wanted you to be like somebody else, He would have given you what He gave them! Right? You never know what people have gone through to get what they have.

The problem I have with haters is that they see my glory, but they don't know my story . . . If the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, you can rest assured that the water bill is higher there too!

We've all got some haters among us! Some people envy you because you can:

Have a relationship with God.
Light up a room when you walk in.
Start your own business.
Tell a man/woman to hit the curb (if he or she isn't about doing the right thing).
Raise your children without both parents being in the home.

Haters can't stand to see you happy. Haters will never want to see you succeed. Haters never want you to get the victory . . . Most of our haters are people who are supposed to be on our side! How do you handle your undercover haters?

You can handle these haters by:

1. Knowing who you are and who your true friends are—VERY IMPORTANT!!
2. Having a purpose to your life. (Purpose does not mean having a job. You can have a job and still be unfulfilled. A purpose is having a clear sense of what God has called you to be. Your purpose is not defined by what others think about you.)
3. By remembering what you have is by divine prerogative and not human manipulation. Fulfill your dreams!

You only have one life to live . . . when its your time to leave this earth, you ‘want’ to be able to say, “I've lived my life and fulfilled ‘my’ dreams . . . Now I'm ready to go HOME!”

When God gives you favor, you can tell your haters, “Don't look at me . . . Look at ‘Who’ is in charge of me!” ~ Maya Angelou

“When we know better, we do better.” ~ Maya Angelou