Tears For Fears

“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” 
~ Franklin D. Roosevelt

Remember the English pop rock duo in the early 1980s called, “Tears for Fears?” My sister once went into a record store to buy their album for her teenage daughters. Forgetting the group’s name, she requested a copy of “Rain and Pain,” much to her chagrin and the confusion of the sales clerk. To add further humiliation, she requested a copy of “Oxygen Mask,” her name for the group, “Air Supply.” Tears . . . Fears . . . Rain . . . Pain . . . Oxygen Mask . . . whatever gets the job accomplished. Right?

However, the name, “Tears for Fears,” has forever become a symbol in my mind of fear and sadness, tears shed for those humiliating experiences or fears we all have stored inside. The group, Tears for Fears, actually based their name on a technique called, “Primal Therapy,” developed by American psychologist, Arthur Janov, who became famous after becoming John Lennon’s (of Beetle fame) therapist. Primal Therapy is a trauma-based psychotherapy that believes that neurosis is caused by repressed pain of childhood trauma.

My sister, Vicki, is afraid of cats! That’s right . . . the soft, cuddly furry ones of the kitty cat nature! But as unreasonable as it sounds, the fear is deep seeded for whatever tramatic reason that caused it. And it was no laughing matter! As a little girl, I shared a bedroom with my teenaged sister, Vicki. My bedtime was long before Vicki’s, so I would carefully arrange my collection of stuffed animals around me before I went to sleep. My yellow, fluffy kitten was a particular favorite. Knowing anything furry brought shrill screams from Vicki, I was careful to hide it neatly beneath my pillow or some other undetected place, where I assumed it would be safe. I understood my mother’s fear of snakes and my own fear of twitchy-nosed mice and creepy spiders. After all, they were what I considered to be normal, sensible fears. But really? A furry yellow kitten, that wasn’t even real? Please!

I’d carefully hide my treasured kitty in a new place every night, hoping Vicki would not discover it when she came to bed. Much to my dismay and without fail, every morning I’d discover my stuffed animals scattered about the bed, victims of her crazed search for fuzzy kitty. Poor beloved, yellow fuzzy kitten, would be coldheartedly thrown on the floor! However, I was relentless and stubborn in my quest. Each night I persisted to hide my kitty in a spot I hoped would be undetected. But alas, it was a “no win” situation!

To this day my whole family has a cat prejudice. I myself have come to view them as disease carrying, mouse eating, winey little creaters . . . probably due to their disgusting mouse breath association and my own unrelistic fear of mice . . . rather than their actual cattness.

Experts say that the most common phobias are the fear of snakes, spiders, mice, heights, and water. Fear of public speaking, closed spaced, and flying in airplanes are also common phobias. There have also been reports of people having persistent, irrational, intense fear of a specific object, like clowns, pickles, grapes, or birds. Movies play into our fears too. Remember the old Alfred Hitchcock thrillers, “The Birds (1963),” and “Psycho (1960)?” Who could view massive amounts of birds flocking together and feel safe after that? Who could shower alone in the house without heart pounding tension and locking the bathroom door after witnessing poor Janet Leigh’s violin screeching demise? 



Yes, I have an irrational fear of mice. I am not particularly thrilled about spiders either, especially the big, hairy ones. However, these fears seem perfectly rational to me. Spiders, after all, are creepy and crawly, possibly poisonous. Who wouldn't be afraid? And don’t get me started on mice. Mice have twitchy noses, they squeeze into small spaces undetected, and they die in unpredictable places, leaving their disease-ridden feces behind them! 



The word “phobia” by definition, is a persistent, irrational, intense fear of a specific object, activity, or situation (the phobic stimulus), fear that is recognized as being excessive or unreasonable by the individual himself. Fear is defined as an emotional response to a perceived threat. It is a basic survival mechanism occurring in response to a specific stimulus, such as pain or the threat of danger. It has been said: “Honesty, love, compassion, loyalty, dreams and ideals will all be tested by our fears and that the courage portrayed in the face of our deepest fears is the strength beneath all other virtues. The depth of our courage will be the roots that determine how high we can grow.” ~ Author Unknown



In a 2005 USA Gallup poll took a national sample of adolescents between the ages of 13 and 15, asking what they feared the most. The question was open ended and participants were able to say whatever they wanted. The most frequently cited fear (mentioned by 8% of the teens) was terrorism. The top ten fears were, in order of the most feared: terrorist attacks, spiders, death, being a failure, war, heights, criminal or gang violence, being alone, the future, and nuclear war.



Instead of ignoring our fears, we should treat them with tenderness and patience. They are an invaluable window into our inner life and the development of our soul. So face your fears, shed your tears, and be patient with those around that you that don’t understand.



"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do."  
~ Eleanor Roosevelt

“Love is what we were born with. Fear is what we learned here.” 

~ Marianne Williamson

Give Us Faith, So We’ll Be Safe

“Faith can give us courage to face the uncertainties of the future.”

~ Martin Luther King Jr.

There’s a beautiful song that singers, Andrea Bocelli, and Josh Groban, have both sung called, “The Prayer.” I have both vocal versions on my iPod. The lyrics are spiritually uplifting and can immediately calm me when I am stressed. “Lead us to a place, guide us with your grace; Give us faith, so we'll be safe.”

A week ago I decided to stay up and watch a late night movie. It was a thriller! My usual genre is romantic comedy or thought provoking drama with an inspirational message. I have to be in the “mood” for action adventure and I rarely watch anything really scary, especially at night before going to sleep. I hadn’t planned to watch the whole movie, as it was taped on my DVR, so I knew I could finish it later. I thought I’d heard good reviews about it and the actors captivated my interest, so I not only started the movie, but continued to watch into the late night hours. My husband gave up half way through the movie and was soon fast asleep beside me. Wide a wake, I continued to stare at the drama displayed before me on my television screen.

The movie began with a successful, happily married, romantic couple, buying their first home. However it soon became evident that all was not well in perfect “happy valley.” Don’t you just hate those movies where the heroine cautiously enters a dark room, just as the music alerts you to possible danger lurking ahead, only to have her say, “Is anybody there?”

“Of course somebody is there!” I want to scream. “Can’t you hear the scary music?”

Well, it soon became apparent that my late night movie was THAT kind of movie! Anyway, the movie eventually progressed to a frightening climax. My heart was pounding as the imminent danger lurked closer and closer. Then suddenly . . . the attacker! I let out a shrill, unsolicited scream! Beside me my husband continued to sleep peacefully, unaware of my outburst, evidence of his over tired condition. The movie concluded. All was well. I shut off the television, still thinking about the movie, now alone with my thoughts in our darkened bedroom.

I couldn’t sleep. All around the outer walls of our bedroom were dark shadows, misty and black, like dense, suffocating fog. I closed my eyes, telling myself it was only my eyes playing tricks on me after staring at the television screen too long. I opened my eyes again, but the shadows persisted, as if there was an evil presence around me. My heart began to pound and I began to feel an unnatural fear within.

I blinked my eyes numerous times, trying to clear the shadowy, dark thick images from my brain. They remained around the perimeters of my room. I closed my eyes and began to pray. I prayed for His Spirit to be with me and for administering angels to calm my fear. I prayed for His light to enter my heart and room, casting out the darkness of evil that had entered. Soon I felt His calming influence and knew His angels had responded to my plea. I felt safe in His arms of love and soon feel fast asleep. “Lead us to a place, guide us with your grace; Give us faith, so we'll be safe.” He is always there, if only we ask.

“Faith is walking face-first and full-speed into the dark. If we truly knew all the answers in advance as to the meaning of life and the nature of God and the destiny of our souls, our belief would not be a leap of faith and it would not be a courageous act of humanity; it would just be . . . a prudent insurance policy.” ~ Elizabeth Gilbert, “Eat, Pray, Love!”

Top 12 Ways To Recognize a New Year!

“Whatever with the past has gone, . . .

The best is always yet to come!” ~ Lucy Larcom

Throughout the years of celebrating each new year with our growing family, we have come to recognize the dawn of each pristine beginning in numerous ways. So here for your enjoyment and thoughtful pondering of your own traditions, are my . . .

“Top 12 Ways To Recognize It’s a Brand New Year (past and present):

1. You watched Dick Clark's “New Year's Rockin' Eve” countdown to the sparkling “ball drop” in Times Square, New York City, while sitting at home in the comfort of your living room. Presently, following Dick’s unfortunate stroke and subsequent long recovery, you now watch Ryan Seacrest preform the annual ritual in Dick’s name, with Dick looking on doing studio comments.

2. Having promised your little ones they could stay up to toast in the New Year with Martinelli’s sparkling nonalcoholic cider, finally tucking them into bed, your daughter says sleepily, “But we didn’t have our toast!” Only then do you realize they thought you meant actual toast, with butter and honey.

3. You wake up in the middle of the night with the television blaring loudly, realizing everybody fell asleep in front of the television. Your poor husband is snoring uncomfortably on the floor.

4. Your kitchen pots and pans and large serving spoons are outside in the snow, after your children rang in the New Year at midnight, annoying the neighbors.

5. Hallmark, Lifetime, and the Family television channels have discontinued their “24 Days” of tear-jerking, heartfelt Christmas shows, that in reality began two months ago.



6. You have a piece of paper on your desk with the title, “New Year’s Resolutions,” which you intend to begin writing eventually . . . however the only thing listed so far is, “Stop procrastinating.”



7. You resolve to finally lose the “weight,” . . . after you’ve consumed the last piece of Christmas chocolate goodness.

8. You resolve to begin each day by being grateful, giving service to someone. You begin by being grateful you have one more piece of chocolate in the house before you begin your new diet. You give service by serving it to yourself.

9. You resolve to go through the Christmas trash bag of wrapping paper, still in the living room, to find the new television remote control and Barbie’s missing shoe, before the garbage truck comes on Friday.



10. The evening news presents their annual “Year in Review” and you wonder where you were when all that was happening, as the majority of it is “news” to you.

11. You hang up a cute new wall calendar, realizing you no longer need to write last year’s birthdays on it because you now use an electronic calendar. Never again will you miss that January 1st birthday and have to send belated greetings. Sadly, you usually forget to check your technology on January 1st and send belated greetings anyway.

12. You begin the New Year by: Making a new “To Do” list on your computer, adding in things you’ve already done today so you can have the satisfaction of crossing them off and feeling accomplished as well as giving purpose to the “strikethrough” font you’ve never used; Creating a January computer screen saver; Deleting 200 old emails that were still sitting in your inbox; Creating a new signature quote and writing “Happy New Year” on every outgoing email!

Happy 2010 Everybody!

“Learn from the past, prepare for the future, live in the present!”

~ Thomas S. Monson